Not much has been happening these last few days band wise. I still have a tiny bit of restriction which is good seeing that I'm nearly five weeks post op, but I'm definitely looking forward to that first fill. Very much looking forward to it.
I thought I'd complete the survey that's going around at the moment for today's post as the questions are really pertinent to this journey.
1. What was your highest weight, what do you weigh right now and what is your goal weight?
When I weighed myself the night before surgery I weighed 102.5kg (226lb) which is the highest I'd ever been (except when nine months preggers at 104kg), though the next morning I weighed 100.1kg (220lb).
Right now I weigh 93.4kg (205lb) so going by that night before surgery weight in, I've lost 9.1kgs (20lb). But as I calculate it from the morning of the surgery (100.1kg) I've lost 6.7kg.
My goal weight is realistically 70kg (154lb). I've been there before, back in 2003, when I went through a pretty bad depression and stopped seeing my friends, gave up drinking for six months, exercised 3-4 times a week and counted WW points with mad obsession. When I got to 70kg people would comment on how much weight I'd lost and how good I looked, but I didn't believe their compliments were sincere. I actually thought my sister had told all our friends to say it to make me feel better. Crazy, but at that stage I was messed up in the head, so no matter how much I lost it wouldn't have felt that great. Because of this I was always doomed to put the weight back on just as soon as I started drinking again.
I just can't wait to get back to 70kg again and keep it off. And I swear, this time, I'll believe any compliments coming my way.
My ideal dream weight is 65kg (143lb). My sister weighs 65kg and she is the same height as me (175cm or 5'9") and is so slim and gorgeous. I figure being the same height surely its feasible for us to weigh the same. Last time I weighed about 65kg was when I was 23 so I think 70kg is probably much more realistic.
2. What is your #1 motivation for losing weight?
My number one motivation is to feel better about myself. To be fit and physically healthy are up there too. I want to be able to run with my son without pain in my knees and hips and be a good role model for him. I also want to be able to have all the confidence I can get for when I return to work next year after three years out of the workforce. And I really want to have nice clothes. Oh, yes, I also want to start thinking about a relationship next year. I certainly wouldn't get back out there on the singles scene again unless I lost a considerable amount of weight.
3. Have you always been overweight?
Pretty much, yes. I've only been obese in two stages of my life though. I was around the weight I am now back in 1998 to about 2001 when I was in an unhappy relationship and then after the breakup went through year of depression. In between then and now I've been 'overweight' as far as the BMI scale goes, except for that brief period in 2003 I mentioned earlier.
This survey gives me a great opportunity to show you my weight chart. I've been keeping a record of my weight since I moved to London in 2003. My weight fluctuations pretty much indicate what's gone on in my life as shown below:
4. When you want to give up what inspires you to keep going?
I'm only five weeks post op so I haven't got to the point of feeling that its all too much and I can't keep going. I'm hoping though that I'll just have to remember what I have gone through to get this band in here physically, emotionally and financially, and hope that will help me push through.
5. What is the #1 thing you look forward to when you hit your goal weight?
Clothes! Sex! Clothes! Feeling light and happy and free to move and.... oops! That's more than one. I'm excited about it all.
6. Do you have support on your weight loss journey?
I have a huge amount of support from my family and friends. My mum and sister have been enormously supportive.
7. What is your favorite exercise?
I love spin classes. I love thrashing my guts out on the bike to dance music in the dark and getting all sweaty. Unfortunately though my coccyx was fractured in 2007 and since I've had pain sitting on a normal chair let alone a spin bike. I joined a gym at the beginning of this year and did my first spin in about two years but landed heavily on my tailbone hurting it all over again. I want to wait til I've lost a significant amount of weight before I attempt to get on a bike again. Hopefully then I won't sit down too heavily on the tiny seat.
8. What is the most important thing you have learned on your weight loss journey?
That the band is a tool and not a weightloss miracle. You gotta work it.
9. What is one thing you have given up that you miss the most?
10. What is your strategy for losing weight?
Eat less, exercise more. Hopefully the band with keep me eating less, but its up to me to do the exercise.
Use everything I've learnt in therapy to help me break my pattern of self sabotage with my insufficient self control and defectiveness schemas. Use mindfulness to help me self soothe whenever I feel out of control emotionally and find I'm needing a quick fix of something, anything to make me feel better. Whoever first said the words "this too shall pass" was very wise. So every time I feel like I just need a bit of chocolate (or whatever I'm craving) to make myself feel better, I just have to utter those four little words... this too shall pass.
Thank you to the originator of this questionnaire. They were great questions and have really helped me to remember and think about why I'm here and what's to be done to get me to where I ultimately want to be.