My anxiety is bordering on out of control at the moment. I'm so worried about the surgery now. Worried that my anxiety will cause another physical symptom that will stop me from having the surgery, worried I'll wake up after the anesthetic and wish I hadn't gone through with it, worried about food envy when other people are eating yummy stuff and I can only handle a few sips of water, worried about the pain, worried about not being able to give Noo Noo any proper cuddles for a week, worried that I will still eat bad food and not lose the weight after so much time, effort and money has gone into this - THE DIET TO END ALL DIETS (supposedly)!
I'm just managing to stop myself from screaming or crying or biting somebody's head off by resorting to my old standby - food. God, I've been a little piggy this week!
My other method of self soothing is shopping. I absolutely love to shop. When I gave up cigs and booze I took up shopping and eating. I racked up a terrible credit card debt over a six months period last year which will take me five years to pay off. What an idiot, hey! I love to buy shoes, clothes, books, cosmetics, electrical appliances, baby clothes, toys, have my hair done, massages, manicures, eat out - you name it, I love to spend money on it. I even love going grocery shopping. Anything where money changes hands. Crazy and expensive and self destructive.
The last couple of days I've enjoyed a little retail therapy. I bought some ultra comfy ecco walking shoes. They are red and fit my orthotics in them perfectly. They are much more suitable for long distance walking than my Converse were. If I'm going to be doing minimum half hour of exercise a day after this band goes in, I need decent walking shoes.
I also bought up supplies for my liquid diet - box of Optifast chocolate shakes, Berocca, V8, tomato juice, Up & Go, drinking yogurt, Iced Tea.
I got two new nighties for the hospital. They are quite nice considering they are Maggie T plus size nighties, simple and black knit.
I got my eyebrows shaped and my eyelashes tinted, as I figured I will not be up to applying make up next week.
I bought myself a book called The Non-Designers Design Book as it was recommended by my design teacher at TAFE as being pretty good book for the basics in design principles. While I was at Dymocks I also got Dad his birthday present - a text book for Photoshop Elements - which he is obsessed with at the moment, to put together all his travel photos into slide shows.
I also went to Daryl Lee (Australia's best chocolate shop, in my view) and got him the "Dad's Bag" which is 1.2 kgs of choccies and lollies and of course had to get a couple of bags of my fave sweets while I was there.
I've been to my favourite bakery - The Central Baking Depot - and bought my favourite bread (sourdough) to consume over the next three days before bread will no longer be a part of my diet (sob, sob). Of course, also had to get some of their delicious white chocolate and date brownies and almond croissants to ensure I get my last fill of them too.
I've been to my favourite dumpling place twice this week for lunch and now I'm a little sick of those gorgeous little parcels of deliciousness. One of my good friends also took me out for my last steak at this lovely resaurant down at The Rocks called Pony Lounge & Dining.
I just wish my op was tomorrow! This week is dragging so badly (despite all the shopping and eating). I just want to get it over and done with. At least I have a few good things planned for the weekend to make the time pass more quickly including a friend's birthday dinner tomorrow night and my sister and I are going to take Noo to the zoo on Saturday, as long as the sunshine comes back.
Well, that is enough whinging and whining for me, I'm off to bed to have an early night.
PS Thought I'd leave you with a design I've been working on for school all day using Photoshop.
|These are my initials|
This was taken from a picture of my hand:
|I got this tattoo in February 2008|