Monday, November 29, 2010

In and out of the zone

Wow! It has been a very eventful week for me with the band. I've been in the orange, green and red zones and everything in between.


For those readers who are not familiar with the zones, these refer to the level of restriction we have (see excellent diagram below). If a bandit is in the orange zone that means that there is not enough restriction and the person can eat more than a cup of food at meals and is frequently hungry between meals. The red zone is at the opposite end of the spectrum and the bandit has trouble eating and even trouble drinking clear fluids, often to the point of bringing up whatever they have tried to consume. This is often referred to as PBing - productive burping, which is as gross as it sounds and is often accompanied by a lot of slime. The green zone is where we all aim for. The sweet spot it is often called. The place where the band has the right amount of fill so we can comfortably eat about a half to a cup of normal healthy food and be satisfied and not wanting to snack constantly between meals. This is the Holy Grail of banding. 


Copyright Monash University Centre for Obesity Research and Education


Last Monday I recorded a loss of only 300 grams (just over half a pound) which must be why I didn't write about it last week. That day I had an appointment with the doctor for my second fill. I told him that I was well and truly in the orange zone (and had been for a while as documented in my previous post: It's hard to be good without you (restriction)). He asked me how I felt just after I got the first adjustment and I told him that I was initially very restricted and couldn't really eat solids until about a week later (see my previous post: First fill - first almost PB for detail). I told him how I continued to eat solids when I probably should have kept to a couple of days of liquids and mushies as I think I caused some swelling by eating too soon. I was really surprised that he actually disagreed with me by saying I should be able to eat as normal just after a fill. No wonder I didn't remember him saying anything about liquids that first time.


So because of my not being able to eat solids straight away he thought it better that we go a bit slower this time around and only put in 0.5ml taking me up to around 5ml in my 10ml Allergan band. I didn't disagree with him so left not long after. My next appointment was made for 22 December.


That night and for the three days that followed I really didn't feel much change at all. Needless to say I was pretty disappointed as I really want to get to my goal of 85kg by the time we go away for Christmas, and by continuing to be in the orange zone, I'd probably not make it. So Thursday morning I called up the clinic and asked for another appointment. I was very lucky that they could squeeze me in the next day.


On Thursday too, I joined a gym.  We have one in the building but I'm so crap at going and I really miss my spin classes. I have not told anyone about the gym. Only you guys now. You know why? Because I have joined so many different gyms in the past and wasted the membership by not going. At a cost of $56 a fortnight, having that much taken out of my account is gonna sting too. This place is 20 minutes drive from me but it is a women's gym and has a crèche as well as a sensible class timetable with spins at 10am most mornings. All the gyms around me are city gyms with classes before work, lunchtime and after work - all times that are inconvenient to me, and don't have somewhere for Noo to play if I need to take him. I figured I'll tell my fam after I've been going consistently for a few weeks. It is only a six month contract, so I haven't signed my life away.


Thursday night I cooked a beautiful Wagu steak for mum and me for dinner. Mum did a delicious salad. Two bites in and I got stuck, badly stuck. So much so I had to walk around the apartment, pacing up and down the hall jumping and punching my chest trying to relieve the discomfort. Noo joined in too, thinking it was hilarious watching his mum acting like a crazy woman. I know, I know, we're not suppose to eat steak, but I've never had a problem with red meat cooked medium rare... so far, at least.


Friday morning, my breakfast took a little longer to get down and when I took Noo over to visit my brother the fresh pikelets he cooked on the BBQ were a little uncomfortable going down as well. What to do? What to do? Were these signs I had got in the green zone finally, four days after the fill on Monday? Or was it just a little swelling from the steak incident the night before and would probably go down soon anyway?


I'd made the appointment and felt obliged to go. It was miles away though. At least an hour's drive. The usual rooms I go to are 10 minutes from my apartment but this appointment was in Wahroonga which is ages away for me. I had to drive through a national park to get there because sat nav took me the most convoluted way. The whole time I was thinking, am I doing the right thing? What the hell am I doing out here in the bush?


When I arrived I explained things to the doc but left out the fact I'd got stuck the night before. I thought, I'm here now, he might as well put a bit in to make sure my restriction was good to last me through to the end of December. He took all the saline out of the band to check how much was in there and then put it all back plus another half a mil. Big mistake... on my part, not his. I should have told him about the steak and the pikelets because oh am I paying for it now.


Even though when I drank a class of water in the clinic I was kind of ok, by Friday evening I was struggling with liquid so missed out on dinner. Noo was up half the night vomiting for some reason (he was fine Saturday morning) and I could barely manage a sip of water while getting up to change sheets and pajamas and mop up vomit. Saturday morning I felt just terrible. Dehydrated and lacking in sleep and we were packing up to go away for the night with my sister and her husband.


Mum, dad, Noo and I bundled into the car and headed north, stopping at a servo on the way for fuel and a drink. I got a chocolate milk as I thought I'd be able to manage some more fluids and the milk would make me feel better. Wrong. I PBed it straight up into a plastic bag. Gross. From then on I only took the tiniest of sips of water and by the time we reached the Central Coast I felt horrific.


My sister and her husband got to the house a couple of days before so were all settled. They are so great with Noo so took over while I just laid around trying not to focus on the terrible headache and nausea I felt. I basically dozed the entire day. It was a pretty nice place to sloth around in...


The view from the deck


I've mentioned loads of times before about my family and food. Well they cooked up a storm all weekend with dishes ranging from grain fed beef tenderloin with salsa verde and free range, pasture reared organic chooks with walnut, beetroot and goats cheese salad and vegies, bread... the works! Mum also made the Mangomisu we had on my birthday as well as a chocolate cake. While they all ate the weekend away, I sucked on ice cubes and tried not to cry about my rotten dehydration headache.


Things improved slightly Sunday morning and I was able to keep a fair bit of water down and a cup of coffee. I was buzzing like crazy from the coffee so was able to join in rather than just sleep. Some friends came up for lunch but I just sat up the end of the table with a Gatorade and fed Noo.


Buzzed on caffeine and getting through my second day without food 


By Sunday evening things improved a bit more. I had a cocktail party to go to with some friends who were visiting from London. It was a lovely evening and the most delicious looking canapés were served. I refused all those offered and only sipped on water. 


The best thing about the night was everyone's amazement at the weight I've lost. The compliments came thick and fast and I loved every minute of it, which kind of made up for the dizziness and the gnawing stomach. I even told people why I couldn't eat. I explained about my surgery and that I got a little too much saline put in but all would be ok in the end. At around 8pm I even managed some soft cheese and a couple of spoonfuls of guacamole. That was all I had eaten since breakfast Friday morning.


Today has been tough again. I've kept water down all day and have eaten two small pieces of soft cheddar cheese. For lunch I had a small skim cappuccino. For dinner I tried to eat the insides of a meat pie Noo was having for dinner, but it got stuck. I didn't PB though. I've just had about a quarter of a cup of Asian chicken broth which has stayed down too.


To all you bandits out there, what would you do in my situation? Would you go back for an unfill asap so you could eat again? Or would you ride it out and wait for the restriction to go down a bit by itself first? I'm so worried if I go back I'll get back in the orange zone and be eating again. Especially after almost four days of fasting. But how long can I sustain this for? The doctor said you can survive without eating but not without drinking water and I can drink water. Plus today's weigh in sees me at 88kg! That makes me 12kg (26.5lb) down! I want to keep that going. I'm not really hungry most of the time but I don't have my normal energy levels and at times I feel faint.


The crazy thing is that I think I was in the green zone Friday morning and I missed it. It is still early days with my band so I wasn't to know for sure, but I'm pretty certain I've learnt my lesson now. A fill adjustment can take days to take effect and I shouldn't rush back for second appointments until at least a couple of weeks post fill.


So fellow bandits, help me here... what would you do?


V.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Changing course: what I wanna be when I grow up

Oh I have been a busy bee. I've been trying to read blogs when I can but this has been my first chance to write. I have a new desk which is great, but rather than having my laptop in the lounge room so I can be with Noo while he plays and I type, I'm now tucked away in our bedroom which makes it harder to spend as much time as I was working on my blog. 


Lots has been happening. I dropped out of my web design course at TAFE and enrolled into a Bachelor of Arts (Internet Communications) through Open Universities to study by correspondence. This year at TAFE has not gone to waste though. I have gained so much knowledge and insight into the World Wide Web and confirmed my love for and interest in it. I have also been able to narrow down where my interests lie in this broad field. Basically I am no programmer. I attempted to learn the basics of JavaScript twice and still couldn't pass. My heart wasn't in it because it just didn't come naturally to me and I really think programming has to be something you just get otherwise it is such a struggle.


Working towards a BA Online Communications




To give you some background, I have worked in office administration for my whole career. I was a bloody good admin assistant too. Organised, a good communicator, efficient and very computer literate. I have always had a job. When I left school after year 12 I started working as a junior secretary and worked my way up to be a senior executive assistant with various employers. I was in my last role for nearly 8 years.  For a long time I loved what I did but after my breakdown in 2007 I just couldn't go back to the job I'd always enjoyed. I was burnt out. Over it.


Taking time out of the workforce to heal my shattered soul has also given me lots of time to reflect on the choices I've made and the path my life has taken. It has also given me the opportunity to make changes to turn my life into something extraordinary - well, that is the part I'm up to now. After changing where I lived (moving from London back to Sydney), my lifestyle (getting sober) and my family status (having a baby), I am now ready to change my career.


As work takes up such an enormous part of our lives I think it is so important that we do something we love if we can. So for me, to now be gaining a better understanding of what I want to do and to have the confidence to make this career change while in my mid 30s, it is a very exciting step forward.


I am frightened though. Who wouldn't be? It has been a long time coming, and there is a lot at stake, but I am getting more brave with every day that passes. I've enrolled to do the first two units of my degree over the next three months and then I'm thinking the next step is to get some work experience with an online marketing/web design agency while studying at the same time. Argh! Until recently, I couldn't even think about work, let alone talk/write about it, without feeling extremely anxious and nauseous. Even typing this post has taken me ages. I don't really expect anybody to read this one as it is not band related and it babbles on too much but it is therapy for me.


So, what do I want to be? I want to be involved in the process that helps businesses develop their entire online strategy. From building their website, to using social media for marketing, search engine optimisation... everything. Well, that is the general idea, but I am sure over time as I study more and get some agency experience, I will be able to narrow it down further. If anyone out there reading this has any advice for me in this area, I'd love to read a comment about it.


So there we have it. I am now a university student. I'm very excited about this next step and will keep you posted with how it all goes.


I will post tomorrow with band news.


V. 









Friday, November 19, 2010

Food glorious food!

It's Friday again! I can't believe how time flies the older you get. Noo's perception of time must be so different from mine. One week probably seems like forever to him, whereas for me, it is over in the blink of an eye.

It is a miserable day here in Sydney, cool and overcast with a stickiness to the air which suggests rain. It is 7.30am and Noo is sitting up eating Nutella on toast in a slow and steady manner which includes occasionally rubbing his Nutella covered fingers though his hair. I am starting with a delicious cup of black Campos coffee which is a smooth as velvet and gives me the jump start I need in the morning.


We have been out all day to the Museum of New South Wales to check out the dinosaurs (or 'Saus as Noo calls them), shopping around town (even though I am completely skint) and generally just enjoying walking around this city of ours.



Food glorious food

I've talked previously about my entire family's obsession with all that keeps us fuelled and satisfied (ie food), which is also pretty obvious from some of the pictures I've posted in the past (particularly see my birthday post). I'm sure a lot of us bandsters have foodie tendancies.

I have always loved to cook, except for some strange reason, I lost my cooking mojo after I moved back from London in 2008. I don't know if it was because I gave up drinking, or because of mostly living with my parents since then (I get an inferiority complex cooking for mum). I don't know. Even when I did have my own place for a short time before Noo was born I couldn't find the inspiration or the creativity within me to come up with the dishes I had done before.

You might ask why I just didn't use a recipe book. Well I did, but even looking through great cook books and online recipes, they didn't inspire me to put knife to chopping board. I'd eat good food if it was cooked for me by my family or if I went out, but generally I was a slack arse at home and had little interest in what I ate. I'd be happy with cheese slices and crackers if that was all that was in the fridge.

For the years preceding this gourmet rut cooking was a sort of relaxation technique for me. After working all day at the office I would drop by the supermarket on the way home to collect whatever I needed for dinner that night. After dropping my handbag on the floor and getting changed out of my suit, preparing the food would relax me and help me wind down for the evening. I loved it. And I was great at it. I cooked meals for one and dinner parties for 12 and canapes for 30. I cooked Spanish, Italian, Chinese, Thai, Indian, French, whatever style food. Breakfast, lunch and dinner.

While I was living in London and single I still had this ritual on most weekday evenings (not much eating was done on the weekends). While I was there I took a photo of every single meal I cooked using my mobile phone. I don't know where all those pictures are now. Probably most went the way of the phone (landfill) but I did find 38 of them which I have put into a collage using a nifty program called Shape Collage.

Cooking in London

How cool is that!

But like I said, in the last three years I've had a kind of cook's block - writer's block but with food. By having the band installed and starting this blog, I think the block is starting to lift. I'm back in the kitchen!


Clockwise from top left - haloumi, lentil and pumpkin salad; smoked chicken, orange, fennel and quinoa salad;
avocado and tuna spaghetti, crunchy tuna salad with pepitas and sunflower seeds

It is only early days yet but I'm getting there. It is incredibly hard to be motivated when I've got Noo to look after. He is so fussy with food that it makes it hard to cook up anything interesting that we can both share and who has the time or the energy to cook two dinners every night?

I've just got to take it step by step, meal by meal, and I'm sure before I know it I will be entertaining again.

Thank you again for reading. Thanks again to all my lovely followers and especially you cool chicks who always write lovely comments - I love every one of them.

Hope everyone out there has fantastic weekends.

V.