Kiss smart: The BB goals for 2013 - For the soul

Twenty thirteen is promising to be a big one here at babblingbandit.me. Too keep myself in line I have started a blog series on my goals for the year.

I've named them KISS SMART goals to remind myself to Keep It Simple Stupid and to make sure my goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound.

One month into 2013 and already my goals are wavering. Without getting all negative about it I'm writing to get myself back on board the positivity train.

A couple of weeks ago I outlined my first goal:

Kiss smart goal number 1: Health Basically, I have pledged to lose 7kgs by 30 June. To do this I will give up sugar, eat whole foods and exercise more.

Why is it always so much easier said than done?

Because life happens. Because, as the old cliché says, old habits die hard. I want to assassinate those bad habits and replace them with good ones - healthy positive habits.

I had a major setback a couple of weeks ago: I attempted to go back to working in an office and fell flat on my face again. I hate that shit. That feeling of going backwards. It totally freaks me out when I feel great and then something sends me back to feeling bad. I run. Get the fuck outta there. Eat shit to feel better.

Ah, what?

Eat shit to feel better? What is that? Self sabotage for an instant high is what it is. It doesn't work Vanessa (talking to myself through my blog surely means I'm losing it)! I never has worked.

But I have a plan to turn this thing around. It includes writing more goals in order to help facilitate that healthy eating/moving goal.

This is a holistic plan. Bare with me.

Which brings me to...

2. For the soul

I think a lot of people get caught up in the doing and achieving part of goal setting. What about the goal of relaxation? We all need to give ourselves time to rest and relax and take a moment to just sit still and do something we enjoy just for fun.

To nurture my soul I intend to do the following:

a. Continue with fortnightly therapy sessions

Someone told me recently I should lessen my reliance on therapy. Well that person is a doofus. Therapy keeps me in check. Whenever I take extended periods of time away from my check ins with Shrink I feel lost and out of control. And even when I do go there and I'm feeling fine, I walk away feeling even more confident that everything is on track.

b. Read more

This is going to be hard this year as I have so much going on. I'm enrolled to do one subject this study period for uni so no doubt there will be a lot of academic research to be read.

I have a lot of books on my Kindle that I've purchased and have either started and not finished or have not had a chance to open. Reading is such a great way to unwind and escape, especially if it's fiction you're reading. So I'm going to make more of an effort to escape with a book.

Rather than go to bed with my phone scrolling through my Twitter feed into the early hours which, considering it is an election year, will no doubt cause all matter of anxiety, I'm going to escape to Westeros and follow the trials and tribulations of the Game of Thrones gang. The politics there might be just as blood thirsty but at least it is in a make believe land rather than in Canberra!

c. Time with friends and lovers

The hardest thing for me as a sole parent is finding time to see friends on my own, and if I am lucky, maybe even a lover.

Even though I know a few great babysitters, it is still an expensive night out if I have to pay someone to look after Noo while I hit the town or the sack (hahaha - get it?).

Noo's grandparents absolutely adore him but they have really busy social lives too. And they live over two hours drive away most of the week. The key here is booking in Nanna and Pa well in advance and then try to book in drinks with the girls or a date with a bloke on those nights my parents are in town.

I love my time with Noo. We get up to so much fun but I do really enjoy hanging out with adults and forgetting about parenthood for a couple of hours or more. I plan to make this more of a regular habit this year.


OK, checking in with the KISS SMART pledge:

Did I keep it simple?

Goal: Nurture my soul

How: Keep up fortnightly therapy sessions,
read more fiction, spend more time with friends and lovers

Are my goals smart? 

Specific: See above
Measurable: Anxiety levels will determine if this goal has been successful
Achievable: Totally
Relevant: Absolutely
Time-bound: Yes, to be measured on 30 June 2013

Two down five to go. Check back soon for the next goal to be set for 2013: Finances. Eeek!


How are your goals or resolutions going so far? Sticking to them or have you fallen off the wagon like I have?


V.

Kiss smart: The BB goals for 2013 - health

We are well and truly half way through the first month of the year and I'm yet to post my resolutions for 2013. Only I'm going to call them goals and aspirations because, apparently if I call them New Year's resolutions I'm less likely to succeed. If a little word change or two is going to help the cause, I'm all for it.

While I am aiming high this year, I also intend to stick to the KISS philosophy with some SMART thrown in.

Both KISS and SMART are mnemonic devices, if you didn't already know, which basically means they have been created to help us remember shit. Being ADHD, I need all the help I can get with my short term memory!

So while Keeping It Simple Stupid, my goals will be Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound. And because I have a few, I'm going to break them up into seven key areas. Each area will have its own post, otherwise this one post would be so babblingly long no one would ever bother to read it all.

The areas I want to work on this year are:

1. Health
2. For the soul
3. Finances
4. Career
5. Relationships
6. Family
7. Community

So basically I'm breaking down my whole life and setting goals and aspirations for each part.

Without further ado, here is goal area number one:

1. Health

I discovered last year that I heart my body. Yes, that's right, I love this 175cm 82kg body of mine that carries me around all day and all night. I haven't always loved it, in fact I've pretty much hated my body through a lifetime of brainwashing that my body isn't worth loving if it is fat.

Hating my body never helped me lose weight and keep it off so what is the point of that? Feeling shame about my body only served to make me feel shit about myself all the time and because it made me feel like shit I punished it. But I guess that is what we do to people/things we hate - we aren't very nice to them.

While I am now almost 20kg lighter than I was the day I got my lap-band, I am still around 5kg over my healthy weight range and 12kgs from my ultimate goal weight. My lap-band has been instrumental in helping me get to this point and now the rest of the work is up to me.

So hating my body has never worked and my lap-band has pretty much taken me as far as I can go, so the only approach left to take is to flip this hate caper on it's head and try love instead.

Following on from last year, I'm going to continue to love this body in 2013.

How do you treat people/things you love? You treat them with respect and dignity. You nurture them and say kind things to them. You do what you can to make them feel good.

So my health goal is to help my body feel good. Ok, let's aim higher. I'm going to make my body feel great and this is how I intend to do it:

a. Quit sugar... again

I'm currently back on the IQS (I Quit Sugar) bandwagon with one foot dangling off in the sea of temptation. I'm fighting my addiction to sugar with as much strength as I can muster, but I haven't been as strict as I was for those seven glorious weeks last year when Will Power was my best mate. Hell, she was my lover! This year we're getting back into bed together again. Whether she likes it or not!

I've paid up $9.99 for *The Happiness Institute's Boost Your Willpower - 30 Tips in 30 Days email course. I'm up to tip number six and so far, so good. Willpower is relevant for a lot of what I want to achieve so I think it has been a worthwhile investment.

b. Give oxygen to the flames of my cooking mojo

Like the glowing embers of an old fire, my creative desire to prepare food ebbs and wanes in the breeze. I absolutely adore cooking and when I am eating well I tend to cook more and the fire burns brightly. When my diet is shit I get lazy and disinterested in food and the flames are extinguished.

This year my fire will burn brightly with fresh whole foods being at the centre of the flames. Fruit, veggies, quality meat, whole grains and dairy. The only ingredients not allowed are sugar and processed junk.

Too easy. Well, you'd think so but the saying is always easier than the doing.

c. Move

Always the hardest part of a healthy lifestyle for me is to incorporate exercise into my everyday life. It is not because I don't like to exercise, I actually do like it but for me to get right into it, the exercise has to be easy. Not just easy to do, easy to get to, to do. If you know what I mean.

I know this is just an excuse but I very rarely have time on my own where I'm not with either Noo or my niece Mala. But if I was to really look at where I have moments on my own I guess I could find a gap or two to go down to our gym and get the heart rate going for a bit.

There are maybe two mornings a week when my parents are here. I should be at the gym at 6am on those days if I really wanted to work out. 6am. That is bloody early but the gym is in our building. That's right. Two floors down from me is a full gym and pool.

My lame arsed excuses for not going there include:

1. No one to look after kid(s)
2. The times that I could go are the busiest (ie 6am)
3. The times that I could go are too early (ie 6am)
4. I love spin classes but obviously we don't have group exercise classes in this residential building and none of the gyms around here have a creche
5. I cannot afford a gym membership and why should I join a gym if I have one here I can use for free?
6. My knee hurts
7. My foot hurts
8. I need to wait until I have an x-ray and CT scan on my lower back because of my foot (doctor thinks sciatica, I just think my foot is fucked)

What I can probably do is walk more. At least after my foot gets sorted out. Noo and I walked for miles yesterday around the Harbour and Opera House and today my foot is killing me. Stupid foot.

d. Keep this table stable

By table, I mean me, my mind. It rhymes with stable... anyway, I'm feeling pretty good this year as far as my mental health goes. I haven't had any serious mood swings for a while actually. If my mind feels stable my body reaps the benefits.

I think I finally have the right combination of medication and I really like my psychiatrist. Now the challenge is to find a way to hold on to this good feeling and maintain that stable table. Too often have I got here only to plunge again. Never as deep as rock bottom. I've only been there once. But I've dropped down low enough to start doubting myself again which in turn makes me feel too scared to keep pushing boundaries.

To keep things running smoothly I will continue my therapy but move it back from weekly to fortnightly. I'll keep reminding myself everything is ok. I have achieved so much and continuing to challenge the status quo only helps me achieve even more.


So, let's check back in with KISS SMART:

Did I keep it simple? 

I think so...

Goal: Help my body feel great

How: Quit sugar, eat whole foods, move my body, monitor my mind
and continue to challenge the boundaries of my comfort zones

Are my goals smart? 

They look pretty smart to me...

Specific: See above

Measurable: By 30 June I aim to be 75kg and happy

Achievable: With 7kg to lose in just over five months to do it in, I think so

Relevant: Absolutely

Time-bound: Yes, to be measured on 30 June 2013

So that is it for the babblingbandit.me KISS SMART goal area number 1 for 2013. I will check in periodically as to where I am tracking over the next six months.


V.


*Not sponsored! Just wanted to mention it because I like The Happiness Institute.

Linking up with Jess at Essentially Jess for #iBOT.

Awards season

I had my first Shrink appointment for 2013 last week. I hadn't seen him since last November because I cancelled all my weekly slots leading up to Christmas. Who wants to go over all the shit of the past in what should be the funnest (this is a word!), happiest time of the year?

Not only is December Christmas time, but the kids also have their birthdays (Mala, my niece, on the 21st and Noo the 22nd) during this busy month. Like most grown ups, December is when I think over the year that's been and make plans for the year to come. For me that includes making my therapy plan, as well as my study and work plans. Like a lot of people, I've also made a stack of resolutions.

So I go into my appointment feeling great, with a shitload of plans and ideas for the year ahead, and Shrink asks me why I feel so good, what has happened over the last six months or so. I think about it and reply "my blog happened".

I've been blogging since August 2010 but it was only last year that I allowed myself to write about everything. The good, the bad and the ugly. By doing this I've been able to let a lot of stuff go. The stories of my past have become just that: stories. Writing them out has given them less power over me. Moving away from the lap-band blogging scene to a more general area, I've also found myself becoming a part of a larger Australian blogging community that has been so wonderful, entertaining and supportive.

Now I come to the crux of this post (I had to babble my way here of course). I want to thank the lovely bloggers who have nominated me for either the Liebster or Sunshine blog awards over the last six months.

The first award came on 28 August, when a Liebster was tagged to me by the lovely Salwa at Salz Dummy Spit. I had the pleasure of meeting Salwa in person late last year when she organised a successful blogger meet up lunch out at Parramatta. I was honoured to receive the reward but alas did not carry on the chain of blog love that is required by these blog loving memes.

The months came and went without another nod until that generous of all months December: On the 17th, a blogger with an awesome first name, Vanessa at Ness at Boganville, bestowed me with my very first Sunshine Award. I was chuffed to say the least, but yet again I broke the chain.

Not two days later the double occurred: both a Liebster and a Sunshine Award came from that hilarious mummy of three, Kelly who resides over at Handmade Tears & Triumphs, and it became obvious I needed to acknowledge the love that had been coming my way.

The aforementioned Christmas and BB birthday season came and went and babblingbandit.me received more Sunshine love by a blogger I didn't previously follow, but was very glad to discover, Kim from Falling Face First. In her unique style an interview took place where she answered the required Sunshine questions and enlightened us to some random facts about herself. For example, did you know that Kim's favourite colour is cornflower blue? And that she loves her birthday? (So do I Kim, so do I. A little birthday attention is always appreciated here at BB Headquarters, as long as my age is no longer mentioned.)

The final award came yesterday from a blogger I've been following for many years now. Kathryn, from Project Kathryn is a very interesting woman to say the least: a sole parent to a son (now a man), a published writer of erotic fiction, a japanophile who lived in Tokyo for a year and was there during the devastating tsunami of 2011. Kathryn has very cute taste in clothes and footwear and a love of polka dots. I highly recommend checking out her blog and her sexy fiction.

Now, the rules of these awards state I must answer some questions and pass on the torch to some new bloggers with under 200 followers. As these awards have been doing the rounds for sometime now and pretty much every blog I've ever read has already received them at least once, I am once again going to end the chain. But I will answer the questions.

There's been many, many different questions bandied about so I'm just going to answer them all. Here it goes:

1. What did you want to be when you grew up? I haven't grown up yet and I'm still not sure what I want to be. Actually, I always wanted to be a wife and mother. That's it.

2. Who do you most admire? My sister.

3. Where is your favourite place to be? Sydney Harbour. On it or by it. No so much in it. The sea freaks me out a bit, but I'm working on it.

4. What is your favourite TV show? Break Bad. Hard. Gritty. Intelligent TV.

5. Do you believe in guardian angels? I'm a sceptic and an atheist.  I believe nothing. Unless you can prove it to me.

6. What is your favourite treat? Chocolate. Best ever I've had? Belgian chocolate from Bruges in Bruges.

7. What are your hobbies? Blogging is definitely a hobby. I love it.

8. What is your favourite childhood memory? Crikey! This is a hard one. Too many to choose from. Any time being with my family when we are all happy. BBQs in the backyard in summer when my brother and his wife came down (they lived up the street).

9. If you go to the cinema, what flavour popcorn do you order? This must be a Yankee question because until recently I thought there was one one flavour - lip shrivelling salty. When I went to see Skyfall this week I was surprised that you can get caramel too now.

10. Who or what makes you laugh? Noo makes me laugh. He is hilarious.

11. Who do you want to see live in concert? Gosh! So many! Led Zeppelin, Wilco, Miami Horror, Band of Horses, George Michael in the 1990s, Modest Mouse, Powderfinger, Mumford and Sons, Arctic Monkeys, The Libertines, Billy Joel, Black Keys, NWA, Public Enemy. These are just bands I haven't seen but there are heaps I've seen before but want to see again!

12. Favourite time of year: Autumn, when the leaves start to fall in the Blue Mountains were my parents live. It is beautiful. I do love my winter wardrobe so much better than my summer!

13. Favourite festive movie: Love Actually. Daggy but true. I was living in London when I saw that at the movies and it filled my heart with joy.

14. What is your passion? I'm passionate about my son, my extended family, my city, my community, my sobriety, my writing, politics, food, coffee, my health, psychology, the interwebs, music, movies, TV shows I love. I am passionate about passion!

15. Favourite colour: Red of course. The colour of passion!

16. Favourite time of day: Surprisingly it is first thing in the morning. 6am is good. The day is fresh. I have not had enough time to do anything to feel guilty about (eg spend money or eat crap).

17. Favourite flower: These beautiful, colourful, smellifull flowers that I always forget the name of.

18. Favourite non-alcoholic beverage: Coffee with a capital C.

19. Favourite physical activity: Sex, of course. Anyone who says anything other is weird in my book. It is the ultimate physical and mental high.

20. Favourite holiday: Exploring a new city and culture. God, it has been way too long!

21. What's the weirdest thing you have in your handbag/wallet? Little boys undies. Try accidentally flinging out a pair of those when you're on a date!

22. Where do you plan to travel this year? Melbourne! Got money for tickets to take Noo and me on a plane ride down south for my birthday last year.

23. Tragedy strikes and you are stranded with your phone. Who is the first person you call?  My dad. He always knows what to do.

24. What is the one thing you plan on doing in 2013 to maintain or get fit? Fucking hell. Commitments! Quit sugar, exercise more, have more sex. Whoops, that's three things.

25. If you had to quit TV and other drama watching apart from one show, what would it be? Well, Breaking Bad only has eight episodes left so I guess I'd quit everything but that.

26. Who was your teenage crush? Johnny Depp, the 21 Jump Street years. Oh, and let us not forget, Private Resort.

27. How do you take your coffee? At home I have Campos Superior Blend, plungered, back with 1.5 Sugarine. Out, I have either a large skim cappuccino with two equal or a skim piccolo with 1 equal or Stevia. I also like flat whites, lattes, espresso. Any or all, as long as the beans are good and the barista knows what they are doing.

28. Best place to go for dinner in your town? Too hard! So much to choose from in Ol' Sydney Town!

29. What's the one thing - clothes or makeup item - you can't live without? My Not Your Daughters Jeans. Since having a kid I go quite a lot without makeup although I do love it.

30. Do you drive to the airport to pick people up or tell them to get a cab? I drive people.

31. What is the one thing that is guaranteed to make you lose your shit? Fuckwits on the road! Especially cabbies cruising for fares, or driving unsafely to get a fare, or generally being selfish fucks on the road. Grrrr! Road rage. I've got it.

I'm done. Liebered and Sunshined out of my head.

Thank you one and all, you gorgeous bloggers who tagged me. You've played a small, but important part, in helping me get to this great place that I'm starting 2013 at!

I love youse all!

V.