Sell yourself, miss something, apologise and be happy

Oh my! We are already well and truly halfway through May. This year is flying just as I expected it would. I wish I could slow down my perception of time to that of a child. Remember when the summer school holidays seemed to last forever? I must admit though that this Sydney summer seems to have gone on a long time. The sun just keeps on shining and we are still in t-shirts so I shouldn't complain.

I am a week behind in the #blogeverydayinmay challenge. Rather than drop out I'm going to attempt to catch up in a couple of posts. Here we go...

Day 11: Sell yourself in 10 words or less

This post seemed way too difficult to write over the last week. Something weird has been happening to me. I've had some pretty full on emotional ups and downs over the last six or so years but the last week takes the cake. I've been spontaneously bursting into tears. Seriously. It happened in the supermarket the other day. Crazy shit is going on in my brain.

I just have to think of something sad and I'll start crying. Or the kids will stress me out and boom! I'm losing it. I'm really struggling with looking after both Noo and Mala (my niece) on Tuesdays. How do you mums with more than one in your brood do it? One kid? No probs. Two? Send me back to the asylum!

My sister offered to put Mala in daycare an extra day but I said no. I really want to be the person that can handle this. I should be able to handle looking after two kids for eight hours on one day a week! I love how close Noo and Mala are. Noo asks about her all the time and Mala beams when she sees him. When Noo goes to big school next year they won't be able to have this special day together as often. I really want to make it work.

So ten words to sell me? When I'm feeling so crap about myself?

When I was young and learning to type I used to practice typing this sentence over and over so it is the sequence of words I can type the fastest out of all the others. And it just happens to have 10 words.

Vanessa is the best person in the whole entire world.

It is silly, immature and clearly inaccurate but what the hell! No one is going to mark this shit.

I just aim to get these two home in one piece at the end of the day

Day 12: What do you miss? (a person, a thing, a place, a time of your life...)

What do I miss? I miss living in London and travelling. I wouldn't change my current situation for the world but I do sometimes miss the freedom of living on the other side of it from my family. I miss the freedom of not having a kid, of not having to tell anyone where I'm going to be, of not being accountable. But only for a second.

I miss the trips abroad organised on a whim on pay day. I miss the art, the nightlife and the gigs. Oh how I miss the music! Occasionally I even miss the drugs and the alcohol. But rarely.

Hell, sometimes I even miss the Tube.

     Said no one ever!

  Ok, maybe I did.

In New York City for my 30th birthday celebration

I really hope one day I'll leave Australia again to visit some places I haven't been to yet. But I never want to go back to the life I used to have. Even if I do miss it just a tiny bit.

Day 13: Issue a public apology. This can be as funny or as serious or as creative as you want it to be.

I want to apologise to my son and my family for not being an easy person to live with. I'm sorry that my moods can be erratic and that I can't handle stressful situations very well. I'm sorry that I'm forgetful and vague sometimes. I'm sorry that my anxiety overwhelms me so much sometimes that I burst into tears in the middle of the supermarket (I clearly can't get over this!) while trying to look after two kids with the help of my mum. (Thank god she was there but seriously? Anxiety attack when mum was even there to help? WTF?)

I'm sorry that I haven't gone back to full time work yet and that I'm shit at cleaning the bathroom regularly. I'm sorry I leave stuff all around the apartment. I'm sorry I don't cook dinner every night. I'm sorry I spend so much time in front of my laptop.

I think that is all I'm sorry about at the moment. I bet there's more though. That's enough for now!

Day 14: Ten things that make you really happy

1. My son. Occasionally he drives me nuts but 99% of the time he is the light of my life. Seeing Noo smile. Watching his reaction to experiencing something new. Hearing him say "I love you" for the 20th time in one day.
2. My family. All of them. What would I do without them? They are my everything. They get me. It has taken a long time but I think they finally accept me for who I am - neuroses and all! That makes me happy and sort of nullifies my apology (see day 13 above).
3. My blog. My lifeline. My 24/7 counsellor. My fun. My mental stimulation. My community.
4. The warm autumn sun. Not too hot and not too cold.
5. Looking out onto Sydney Harbour from any viewpoint. Blue, grey or black. Just looking at that deep blue Harbour and the city that envelopes it sends pure joy and love through my veins. I wasn't born here and I've spent over ten years of my life in other cities but Sydney will always be home to me. 
6. Being entertained and/or provoked to think. Watching a great TV series/movie. Reading a page turner or a great newspaper piece. Seeing live music. Viewing amazing art.  
7. Drinking a really great cup of coffee. The smell of it, the taste of it, the feel of it. Coffee I love you. You make me very happy.
8. Eating food that flavour bombs your tongue and makes you want to close your eyes to enjoy not only the taste, but the smell and texture all at once. Think a freshly made cake, dumplings from Din Tai Fung, my brother's BBQ and his homemade sauces that go with it.
9. Shopping makes me so happy! Especially if the item is on sale. Purchasing something that I know I will love for a long time. Especially footwear and clothing. I probably have an unhealthy relationship with spending money but still it makes me happy. 
10. Losing weight. Seeing the numbers go down on the scales. I really need to bring this kind of happiness back into my life. Really.

Recent clothing purchases and my new Duo boots

I love these kids! They make me crazy sometimes but I love them and they make me happy.

Phew! Only 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 left to catch up!


Do you want to issue a public apology? Maybe tell me what makes you happy.

I hope you're having a great weekend wherever you are.


V.

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