A victorious (both scale and non-scale) post

I have been finding really hard to get to my blogging, both writing and reading. I've been so busy these last couple of days especially now my parents are back up the Mountains and I am doing the full on single mum bit without Nanna and Pa's help. Noo really misses his grandparents too so has been acting up today. We were out the door before 9am and back after 4 this arvo. I seriously take my hat off to single...actually any mums out there with more than one child. And those that work, my god, you all should be sainted! 

So my last couple of posts have been a bit whingy, a bit on the negative, and without really noticing, I've actually had some major SVs and NSVs happen.

Happy!

1. I am down to 90.5kg, which brings my total weightloss to just under 10kgs, or 21lbs. Yay me!

2. My BMI has dropped from 32.7 to 29.6, 0.4 below the "obese" range. I'm now in the "overweight" range. Yippee!

3. I went shopping in Target (crikey they have good stock at the moment!) and I have officially dropped a dress size to an Aussie size 16 (US14) in normal (not plus size) fashion. Crazy but true!

4. I can now to wear my US size 14 NYDJ that I bought last year in hope that I would lose enough weight to fit into them and now I finally can.

5. I can fit into a plus size 14 pair of khaki trousers I bought on sale last year but still had the labels on them because I was too big at the time to put them on. 

6. One of the teachers at Noo's daycare asked me if I'd lost weight. People are starting to notice!

7. I picked the Melbourne Cup - the number 8, Americain. Go you little beauty!

8. I passed my JavaScript theory exam and my Copyright exam. Only two more tests and 2 more assessments before the end of the semester. Woo hoo!

9. I have had some delicious food, both at home and out and I'm so glad to be craving salad again.

Smoked chicken, orange, fennel and quinoa salad
made by me for dinner with my sister tonight - very band friendly
- high in protein, low fat, no carbs and no sugar.

Roasted salmon salad from the new upmarket foodcourt in Westfields Pitt Street Mall.
The new centre is fabulous! Finally Sydney is starting to glamour up a bit.
Salad was huge and a bit creamy, but delicious. I only ate half and then delivered
my leftovers to my sister who works in town.

I haven't done anything about the goals I set myself on Sunday night I've been so frantic I just haven't had time to get to the gym or write my meal plan. I did a massive grocery and fruit and veg shop today though so will try to do my menu plan tomorrow as well as go to the gym in the morning. I have only one TAFE class which is in the arvo. 

So despite some major anxiety today out with Noo, all is pretty good. I'm starting to feel like a normal person rather than a depressed fat alien who doesn't belong anywhere. I'm not 100% there but I'm so on the journey. 

V.

Catching up

Thank you

First, I want to thank everyone who commented on my last post. The comment that prompted the post in the first place made me feel really exposed and a bit foolish but now I'm feeling much more confident that what I put in my blog has meaning and purpose, so thank you all. I should say too that the initial comment came from a person who is not a blogger and doesn't understand how the blogging community works so really wasn't qualified to make the judgement in the first place.

Some random pics taken during the week

Watching TV with Noo

Walking home from TAFE

Noo being outrageously gorgeous

On the way out for dinner

This month's manicure - O.P.I. Cajun Shrimp
sitting strategically on my Alexander Wang Donna Hobo

Out with the girls for dinner - Din Tai Fung dumplings - my favourite

Driving up the Mountains - I gotta do something about my 'do!
That egghead look has to go!

The view from my parent's house

Noo today

Not another photo Mum!

Writing my blog this arvo

What's been happening

I haven't been online the last few days so I'm way behind in my blog reading and writing. On Friday Noo and I went up to my parent's place in the Blue Mountains which was lovely. The house is large though and not very child proof so there's a lot of work to do running after Noo to make sure he doesn't get into things he shouldn't. It was lovely to get out the city for a while and enjoy the fresh air and quiet.

Band news

My band is going ok. I definitely have restriction as I'm getting stuck nearly everyday. The main cause usually being that I inevitably get interrupted by Noo while I'm eating for one reason or another. Any of you mums out there will know how hard it is to just eat when you have a little kid without having to multitask doing something for them at the same time.

What I have been eating has been pretty bad too. As I'm not a nine to fiver at the moment, I have no real structure in my day so I don't really eat three square meals. I've really noticed too how much I eat out! Whether at TAFE on Tuesdays and Thursdays or catching up with friends for lunch at a foodcourt or cafe in the city. I haven't got used to ordering the right foods and end up getting something that's not really band friendly or way too large a serve so most of it ends up in the bin. Also, my parents have been in town for the last two weeks because of my dad's cut foot so mum has been doing most of the cooking.

As I've mentioned in one of my earlier posts before retiring my mum was a professional chef. She seriously is an amazing cook. She cooks the most wonderful home cooked gourmet food. Its generally healthy but not proper diet food. I must take more photos for you so you can see just how delicious and tempting her cooking is. This week we've had slow roasted leg of lamb with vegies and cashew salsa; kumera, spinach and bacon lasagna; creamy potato and leek soup. She also made a batch of white chocolate macarons. Yum!

I also find I am snacking on Noo's food. Bad. I always take a snack pack out with me when we go out. This usually consists of muesli bars, mini boxes of sultanas, cheese and crackers,chopped fruit, that sort of stuff. Noo never finishes anything so I end up eating it instead. More bad.

Even though I'm getting stuck, I must say I'm not getting that good feeling of satiety after eating unless I eat about a cup and a half. If I eat about 1.5 cups of solid food I'm full and it lasts for hours, that content feeling, but if I don't I'm starving and I snack.

I also haven't been to the gym since that first time two weeks ago. Naughty. I've been doing lots of walking around town though and Noo and I chased a ball around the deck yesterday afternoon, but seriously, that is not enough!

Argh! This post is full of excuses. I really need to pull my finger out and start taking control of this whole project. My parents are back up the Mountains for the week so there's only me here in control of food. Here is a list of things to do to get this lifestyle change (I don't want to use the term diet) back on track:

1. Make meal plan for five days - Monday through Friday

2. Make shopping list as per number 1.

3. Go food shopping as per number 2.

4. Keep food diary for one week to see where things are going awry.

5. Go to the gym on Monday afternoon, Tuesday afternoon and Thursday morning (Noo's kindy days) for at least 30 minutes.

Fingers crossed I can achieve all the above. Its my mini five day challenge for myself. I will keep you posted during the week as to how I go.

I hope everyone has had great weekends, I'm going to try and get around as many blogs as I can now to see what you're all up to.

V.

Bandit, single mum, survivor - too personal for Blogland?

The other day someone commented that they were amazed at how much information about my life I give on this blog. The line that the person read that prompted them to say this was on my banner: "Babblings of my life as a bandit, a single mum and a survivor of mental illness and addiction".  Yes, these are pretty honest words about who I am, but are they words that I shouldn't use in such a public arena?

Let's take a closer look...

So I'm a bandit.  Could be considered very personal. Although I've told all my friends and family, its not something I go around TAFE shouting in the cafeteria "hey fellow students and teachers, I have a lap band, watch me shrink!". But being a lap band patient is not something I actively hide or am ashamed of.

I'm a single mum. Well it ain't the 1950s any more so I'm pretty sure that's something I should feel free and easy writing about in a blog. In fact "single mothers by choice" are becoming more and more common. As are same sex parents, mixed race parents, blended families, etc. The nuclear family with a mum and a dad and 2.5 children is probably the exception now, not the rule. As long as we love our kids and provide a happy, stable home, who is to judge the make up of any family?

I'm a survivor of mental illness. OK, yes, this is probably where things start to get really personal and for many, they would not like strangers to either know that they suffer from depression and/or anxiety in the first place, let alone want anyone to read details about their condition. Its a choice and I respect either position - to keep it private or to feel comfortable about sharing it, whether using a pseudonym or not. Personally, as anyone who has read any of my blog will know, I am comfortable sharing online my experiences about what I have gone through as a sufferer of chronic major depression and debilitating anxiety. In fact, I now realise blogging about it has become an important part of my healing process.

Whether we choose to keep it private or not, mental illness is not something to be ashamed of. Sufferers should not be discriminated against or judged for what they go through or how they handle their condition. Mental illness is so common and so widespread these days that I feel it is so important that it comes from out of the shadows. The stigma and shame that is still so often attached to anyone who is inflicted with this curse should be banished to the past.

Suffering alone and in silence can be deadly.

For me, and I imagine (I don't want to speak for others) for so many other bloggers out there, feeling free to write about our darkest moments or our triumphs in recovery is so crucial in helping us to survive.

This week I have read a number of blogs where the writer has reached out a cyber hand asking for help through tough times. I think it is so important that, even though these wonderful people may not have the support they need in the real world, they are able to express how they feel on their blogs and have a network of fellow bloggers who follow their journey with caring words of support, understanding and a virtual shoulder to cry on.

I am a survivor of addiction. Hmmm, another very personal point and one that can cause a great deal of negative judgement. Drug and alcohol addiction is a disease that has been around for as long as the substances have been used and is common now more so than ever. I'm not proud of the fact that my drug and alcohol use saw me hit rock bottom three years ago, but I'm extremely proud of the fact I've now been sober for well over two years. 

Although I don't regret my past, I would never want anyone to go through what I have to be here today, alive and healthy, instead of dead or in jail. I hope that anyone who may be in a similar situation as I was, and reads any of my posts that talk about my struggles with addiction or my mental battles in recovery, might learn from my mistakes and experience. Or that they might take comfort knowing that they are not alone and that it is possible to rise up from the depths of rock bottom, where you think the drugs and alcohol will never loosen their grip on your life, to once again become a functioning, healthy and responsible adult who is no longer a slave to their vices.

So is being a bandit, a single mum and a survivor too personal for Blogland? For me personally, no it is not.

V.