Goal 4 finally crossed off the list

So I've finally hit 80kg! I actually got to 79.9 the other day and I can't tell you how fantastic is was to see a 7 as the first number on the scales. I haven't really been dieting though so my weight is now hovering from 79-81kg and all the points in between.

I'm now at the average weight that I've been most my adult life. My band doctors have told me I've lost nearly 80% of my excess body fat and that I've done it 6 months ahead of their schedule. I'm still not happy though. I really want to get to 75kg and maintain that weight. God, I'd love to get to 70kg and maintain that weight! I've been there before and I look hot at 70kg but I've never been able to maintain it for longer than a couple of months.

Sadly, I'm a 12wbt drop out. I recently went to one of the excellent psych group therapy sessions that the OClinic holds once a month. When I mentioned that I'd started 12wbt but couldn't maintain the rate of weight loss or the motivation to do the exercise the psychologist told me it was because 12wbt is just another diet and diets don't work in the long term for a massive proportion of us fatties out there. Michelle would have you believe otherwise and I know she has reached out to and transformed so many people but her method is not maintainable for everyone. The sugar, the fat, the overeating - they are all like drugs. It is an addiction, and I know better than anyone, what addiction is all about. The band puts a physical barrier in place that willpower alone does not have the same power to do. At the OClinic it is only expected that we lose around half to one kilo a month which is pretty much what I'm doing so I'm not going to beat myself up too much.

I've had so many NSVs as well. I'm wearing US size 10 and 12 jeans (vanity sized NYDJ, but who cares!). I can fit into my old Seven For All Mankind jeans and I'm pretty much in size 14 in normal Aussie sizes. I've had so many compliments on my new size and I generally feel much more confident about my body. 

My band is really tight at the moment but I like it that way. I chucked up all my dinner last night but it didn't bother me. I used to fight the stuck feeling and jump around, pounding my fist on my chest hoping to help the food get down through the band. Now I just quietly leave the table and spit it up. Because the food never makes it into my stomach it hasn't mixed with any acid so it's really not that bad throwing it up. And I'm an ever so quiet vomiter! Ha!

On other news my boy is nearly three years old! I cannot believe how he is growing. He is so gorgeous and so funny. Everyday there is another new statement that he comes up with that is so hilarious!

Growing up so fast!

That is all from me today. Hope all is well in blogland.

V.

Doctor, psychologist, dietitian

So I had my first post op appointment with my surgeon, Dr Craig Taylor, at the OClinic yesterday which was very brief. Basically he got me to flash my belly and show him the healing scars and was satisfied I was going ok with 6kg weight loss so far. I, on the other hand, am not overly pleased with only 6kg loss as I thought I would have lost heaps more considering my food consumption has gone down majorly in quantity and up in quality.

When I think about it though, 6 kegs isn't that bad. If I was only on WW or Jenny I probably would have lost half that and I'd have a 99% chance of putting those 6kg back on in the not too distant future. At least I know those 6 kilos of flab are gone for good.

After I saw the surgeon I had an appointment with the Clinic's psychologist and then their dietitian. The psych was really lovely but she asked me the "how did you come to choosing a lap band" question. I had to tell my whole story all over again. I can't tell you how many times I've had to go through my mental health history over the last three years. I'm getting better at it every time though and the more I tell it the more it seems like someone else's story and therefore it is slowly losing its power over me. But when I tell the story (see my previous post for some detail) to other people they gasp and grimace and sigh as they hear the dramatic (and sometimes tragic) twists and turns (and lows) my life has taken. Its was a hard process but at the end she understood my whys and my hopes and fears and was very supportive. I also told her all about my blog and about the blogging community and how amazing this support network is, as well as about all the support and encouragement I have from family and friends and she was convinced I would be ok to get through it.

After the psych the dietitian took me through a typical day on solids with the band. Whoa, 1000 calories does not make for much food! Especially as Dr Taylor also said that as the swelling goes down, by the time I am due for my first fill which is booked in for 18 October, I will be eating as I was before the surgery and shouldn't expect much weightloss now until after the fill. I'm dreading feeling hungry all the time again. It was so liberating in those first two weeks post op not to feel that constant gnawing of hunger pangs but I really am starting to notice my rumbling tummy more now. Today I ate quite a large lunch too - probably 1.5 cups worth. I made a 2 egg omlette with a tblsp of canned tuna, a roma tomato, 1/4 cup avo, half a cheese slice. Its was absolutely delicious and I did eat it slowly but it was probably more than I should have had. I only ate a small bowl of soup for dinner though. Needless to say, I'm pretty damned hungry now though.

I am disappointed that there is such a delay between the surgery and the first fill as I really want to continue to lose weight and not plateau now as the doctor suggested I might. I'm committed to staying on track to get to 80kg by the time we go away down the south coast for Christmas and New Year. Christmas is only 12 weeks away so I need to be averaging at least a 1kg a week to make my goal. I've done that before on conventional diets but maybe now I'm older it won't be so easy. I need to get back to the gym as soon as the first six weeks are up and get that metabolism moving. 

Gees, I've just looked at the time and its nearly half past 11 so I must fly. Can't believe its Friday again tomorrow. Hope you all have a fab day/evening wherever you are.

V.

That's what friends are for...

Had my first appointment with the dietitian this morning. Its all starting feel more real with every day that passes. I'm getting my band done at the OClinic in Sydney.  The staff are all really nice which is important seeing I'll be going over the Bridge (Sydney Harbour) every month for check ups for the foreseeable future.  I was weighed on arrival today and surprisingly have lost 1.2 kgs.  Amazing!  I think I'm psychologically preparing for next week without even knowing it.

At my appointment the dietitian explained to me the liquid diet and then the mushies phase.  Its going to be a very interesting month as my diet will be changing dramatically.  Its gonna be like going to sugar and fat rehab.  I'm a little anxious about it actually.  I had to fast this morning before having a blood test (the cause of the weightloss?) and I felt so sick and had a terrible headache because I was so hungry.  Does anyone else get this?  I literally feel really, really nauseated if I don't eat regularly.  I just hope that the band sends the right messages to my brain otherwise I will struggle with the half a cup of food per meal.

I got a starter pack from the clinic which included a cook book, some sachets of Optifast, and a shake shaker, Benefibre, a pedometer, measuring tape and a plate that shows exactly how much food you can eat and what types of food should eat.  It also has a circle printed on it which shows you the diametre of hole into the stomach once banded.  An excellent pack of goodies I thought.

After my appointment I went to visit a very good old friend of mine who runs a cafe in the inner city.  We only catch up every couple of months but its always like no time has passed.  I have loads of really good friends like this.  Friends where the passage of time does not put distance in the friendship.  

On Monday night I also caught up with old friends.  These were two girls I worked with back in 2001.  One I hadn't seen since then, the other I had only caught up a couple of times over the last decade.   All three of us had gone through so many changes over that time including getting married, having kids, etc, but there was no awkwardness as we laughed while reminiscing about old times. It was such a great night.  I'm so lucky to have so many great friends. 

One of the big things that I'm worried about post surgery is giving up Diet Coke.  It has been one of my addictions for so long.  I love it.  Truly love the taste of an icy cold can of Diet Coke.  Since getting sober it has been even more my drink of choice.  I only have two cans a day but if I have a bad day I might have a third and a fourth can, just like I would have beer back in the old days.  After the op I will just have to let my Coke go flat so I can drink it because I don't think I can give it up entirely.

Another thing that I love, that's not something I put in my gob, is my iPhone.  I love technology and gadgets.  I always have.  I've been able to hook up a home entertainment system with stereos, tvs and videos since I was about 10 years old.  My iPhone fulfills so many of my needs, both practical and emotional.  I've gone through 4 iPods all of which I've loved and carried with me all the time.  

Music is also another love of mine, although I don't dedicate the same amount of time I use to pre parenthood.  The only gigs I've been to since Noo was born are Fleetwood Mac (excellent) late last year and LCD Soundsystem (awesome) and Hot Chip (also fantastic) a couple of weeks ago.  Since putting on this much weight I can't stand up for long periods of time so thankfully those concerts were seated.  I couldn't go to venues where there isn't seating as I'd wake up the next morning with swollen knees.  

I have a terrible skeletal structure - my legs are hypermobile and my knees knock (what an attractive picture I must be painting!).  I also badly injured my left knee about five years ago which causes me a lot of trouble trying to carry around 98 kegs on.  This injury has also now caused problems with my left hip and ankle.  I've had so many physiotherapy sessions for it and bought expensive orthotic inner soles but really nothing will help until I get the weight down.  This is one of my prime motivations for losing the weight.  I really don't want to be having knee reconstructions any time soon!

Back to the iPhone, I've found a couple of apps that are to help bandsters track weightloss and fills.  They are Barimate and My Band Fill.  Does anyone have experience with these?  Was hoping to get some user experience before deciding which one to purchase.

Well that's all from me today.  I hope anyone reading this is well.

V.

PS. This is a picture of me before I started stacking it on in 2007.  I was about 75kgs in this pic...

I want to look like this again! (Including being 3 years younger.)