Goal 4 finally crossed off the list

So I've finally hit 80kg! I actually got to 79.9 the other day and I can't tell you how fantastic is was to see a 7 as the first number on the scales. I haven't really been dieting though so my weight is now hovering from 79-81kg and all the points in between.

I'm now at the average weight that I've been most my adult life. My band doctors have told me I've lost nearly 80% of my excess body fat and that I've done it 6 months ahead of their schedule. I'm still not happy though. I really want to get to 75kg and maintain that weight. God, I'd love to get to 70kg and maintain that weight! I've been there before and I look hot at 70kg but I've never been able to maintain it for longer than a couple of months.

Sadly, I'm a 12wbt drop out. I recently went to one of the excellent psych group therapy sessions that the OClinic holds once a month. When I mentioned that I'd started 12wbt but couldn't maintain the rate of weight loss or the motivation to do the exercise the psychologist told me it was because 12wbt is just another diet and diets don't work in the long term for a massive proportion of us fatties out there. Michelle would have you believe otherwise and I know she has reached out to and transformed so many people but her method is not maintainable for everyone. The sugar, the fat, the overeating - they are all like drugs. It is an addiction, and I know better than anyone, what addiction is all about. The band puts a physical barrier in place that willpower alone does not have the same power to do. At the OClinic it is only expected that we lose around half to one kilo a month which is pretty much what I'm doing so I'm not going to beat myself up too much.

I've had so many NSVs as well. I'm wearing US size 10 and 12 jeans (vanity sized NYDJ, but who cares!). I can fit into my old Seven For All Mankind jeans and I'm pretty much in size 14 in normal Aussie sizes. I've had so many compliments on my new size and I generally feel much more confident about my body. 

My band is really tight at the moment but I like it that way. I chucked up all my dinner last night but it didn't bother me. I used to fight the stuck feeling and jump around, pounding my fist on my chest hoping to help the food get down through the band. Now I just quietly leave the table and spit it up. Because the food never makes it into my stomach it hasn't mixed with any acid so it's really not that bad throwing it up. And I'm an ever so quiet vomiter! Ha!

On other news my boy is nearly three years old! I cannot believe how he is growing. He is so gorgeous and so funny. Everyday there is another new statement that he comes up with that is so hilarious!

Growing up so fast!

That is all from me today. Hope all is well in blogland.

V.

It's been a while...

So much has happened since April that I don't even know where to begin!

Last time I wrote I'd just started a new relationship after three years of singledom. Everything was lovely and went really well until about three or four months in I realised he wasn't the one. He was so lovely but I wasn't in love with him. I've been single again about three months and I am really enjoying it. I guess the experience made me appreciate more what I already have. And I don't need a relationship in order to feel validated. It also made me realise that I need to be really ready for it. For their sake and mine. I think it is really important that I am ok about who I am before I go sharing myself with others. I'm nearly there, just not quite yet.

After the break up I decided that I needed to get back on the self improvement journey. Especially because while in the relationship I gained 3.4kg (7.5lb). I pretty much spent the most of this year eating what I wanted whenever I wanted, although in smaller portions. I have since then got back on the diet bandwagon at joined the Michelle Bridge's 12 Week Body Transformation. The program is amazing... if you stick to it!

Last week I got down to my lowest weight in over four years - 80.9kg (178lb), down from the 86.7kg I had got back up to by the end of August this year. I lost 5.8kg in six weeks. How good is that! The weight was dropping off me! In August when I realised I'd gained so much I went back to my surgeon and asked for a fill and started working the band again. The motivation Michelle provides was also excellent in keeping me in check.

Unfortunately I started the 12wbt with an ear infection and then my son came down with the same ear/throat infection and then I got I terrible cold. It was awful. One of us would get better then the other would get sick again. I lost stacks of time for uni work and for exercising. Although my eating has been great (up until the last week so) I have only managed two training sessions since the 12wbt program began. Pretty shocking.

Basically, without boring you with the details, I had a huge anxiety attack about 10 days ago and it has been downhill since then. It is just amazing how we try to make ourselves feel better by going back to the old habits like eating chocolate and lazing around watching TV even though we KNOW doing the right thing (ie eating healthily and exercising) is what really makes us feel better after a break down.

So after a bout of anxiety, bad PMT and uni stress I've had a little gain of 0.3kg (just over 1lb) and I've got to get back on track! Hence the blog writing. Sometimes it just helps to see the excuses on the screen.

Next week is week six and the halfway mark of the 12wbt and I've got to get kicking! I'm going to go back and watch Michelle's vids and get remotivated. I am only 1.2kg away from getting another star on my blog banner and 10kg from the ultimate goal - 70kg. 

Hope all is well in blogland.

V.

Finally out of plateauville and into a whole new world all together!

Finally, the weight is moving again. Off that is. Off my bum, my legs, my tum, my face, my boobs... check out the pics below. The photos on the left were taken on the day of my surgery and the ones on the right were taken on the 11th of this month when I got just below 85kg which is half way to goal.

So much has been happening that my mind is in a whirlwind of excitement and emotion. Along with losing weight I've met someone! Can you believe it! Without giving too much away as it is still early days (date 5 I think, but endless hours on the phone and text), I am having the best time. He is lovely and caring and intelligent and funny and loves kids and handsome and thinks I am the bomb! I don't think I've ever been with someone who seems to be into me so completely.

My band is working as it should, I think. I can eat pretty much anything but in small portions. I am grateful for this as I've been going out for dinner more in the last few weeks than I have in years. As long as I'm slow and relaxed and chew a lot I am ok. I think I've had two teeny fills since I last blogged. My band is so sensitive that is all I need. 

As of today's weigh in I am 83.7kg or 184lb. I cannot believe I have only 4kg to go to get in the 70s. I think I might actually cry when I see a seven at the beginning of the double digit number on my scales. It is hard to believe that not that long ago I was so down in the dumps about everything and now my life is all smiles and roses. 

Uni has been very busy which is another thing that has been keeping me from blogging. I've decided to continue with this blog as I don't care who reads this now. This is my life but if there are people from my past who want to know what's going on in it, go for  it. I can't promise to blog as frequently as before as I'm so busy with everything, but will try to keep as up to date as possible. 

Hope all is well in blogland.

V.