Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Single mother's guilt

My life has all of a sudden got really busy: I'm working for the first time in nearly five years; I'm blogging and social networking as much as I can in order to maintain this space; and, of course, I'm a sole parent to my awesome almost four year old boy.

My day usually starts at around 6.30am when Noo arises. Three days a week Noo goes to daycare, which he loves, and I go to work as my niece's nanny. On the four days Noo is not at preschool we go on adventures out and about in Sydney or play at home. My day with kids does not end til around 8.30pm when Noo goes off to sleep. That's when I get on the computer and do blog stuff until about 11.30pm.

Now I've gone and thrown dating into the mix. And it is really time consuming!

Dating when you're a single mum is tricky on so many levels:
  1. I've got to tell the family that I'm getting back 'out there' via an online dating service so there's absolutely no privacy
  2. Once I've done the email thing and progressed to the 'let's meet up' phase, I've got to find a time that suits not only me and the guy, but also either my parents or sister to look after Noo so I can go out
  3. I've got explain to the person I'm on a date with that I have a child but at the same time limit talking about my kid because that is generally considered boring dinner conversation even though said kid is at the centre of my world
  4. When things go beyond the first date I need to explain to Noo that I've got a new 'friend' that I'm spending time with, time that I would otherwise be spending with him
  5. I've got to deal with the guilt of spending time with people other than Noo
  6. Deciding when it is appropriate for me to bring to the two together is tricky but more on that another time.
This is when the single mother's guilt kicks in. And it has been costing me a fortune. 

Every time I've gone out I've either bought Noo a new toy to play with while I'm out or promised to take him shopping for a new toy the day after my date. I know it is ridiculous. I am allowed to date. I'm allowed to have a life outside of being parent. I'm allowed to spend time with other adults. Knowing this doesn't make me feel any less guilty.

Lego loving

Lucky for me, a couple of weeks ago when my sister and I were doing a pilgrimage to Eastgardens, Yo suggested we go check out the toys at Big W. Because there are no Big W stores closer to us in the city, we occassionally make the trek to Pagewood because we love their kids clothing range and Noo loves the toys.

Yolanda said she'd like to buy Noo a surprise toy for when he was going to stay at their house on the Friday night. I had a hot date all lined up but Noo was already being a bit disagreeable about having to spend the evening away from me at his aunty and uncle's house.

Noo's Uncle Callum is a big fan of Lego games so what better toy to get Noo than a new box of Lego!

The night turned out to be a fabulous success, both for me on my date and Noo spending the night with his aunty and uncle and cousin Mala!


Disclaimer: This is a sponsored post but all opinions are my own. See my disclosure page for more details.

Linking up for the first time with Jess for #IBOT


Rachel from Redcliffe Style said...

It would be very hard to get back into dating when you have children at home. It's bad enough without the children :) Good luck! Rachel x

#TeamIBOT was here x

Eleise Bott said...

I remember dating as a single mum. Thank god I only had to go on a couple of dates before I met the man of my dreams. Enjoy this exciting time :)

Kelly HTandT said...

I find it hard enough to find time to go on a date with my husband, let alone trying to meet someone new. But you've gotta do it, you've gotta push past the guilt and have a life of your own as well. It would be so hard, good luck xx

Kylie Purtell said...

I can't imagine how hard it must be but don't beat yourself up about it too much,. The happier you are the better a Mum you can be to Ned. Doesn't do much to ease the guilt I know but it's true.

AParentingLife said...

Good on you for getting out there and wanting to look for someone new. It is so important as a single parent to remember your own needs.

Jess said...

Oh it must be hard! I have bague memories of these days myself, but I only ever dated boatman, and I was so obsessed with spending every moment of Taylah's awake time with her, that I found it quite stressful!
Good luck finding the balance. Xxx

BossyMummy said...

What a difficult position to be in - two worlds colliding :) good luck getting back out there!

The Babbling Bandit said...

Thanks! It is tricky, more than I expected. Thanks for the comment. V.

The Babbling Bandit said...

Thanks Jess. That's it - find balance. Wish there was more time in the day...

The Babbling Bandit said...

Yeah, I think a lot of mum's forget to look after themselves. I'm lucky my parents are really helpful with Neddy. Thanks for the comment.

The Babbling Bandit said...

Thanks Kylie. Yeah, it is easier than done, but I know deep down he is ok. He's one lovely little kid and I know I had more than a hand in that. I think it will be easier for him at this age than when he gets too much older. V. (Just putting the pressure on myself there!)

The Babbling Bandit said...

Thanks Kelly. I know, right! My married friends all have trouble finding time to be alone with their partners. But it is worth it. And necessary! Thanks for the comment. V.

The Babbling Bandit said...

Wow! Man of your dreams. I wish I could be so lucky! He'll come though. I can feel it. V.

The Babbling Bandit said...

Hey Rachel. Thanks for the luck. I need it! V.

Eleise Bott said...

Absolutely :) Oh BTW I made a list of everything I wanted in a man and sent it to my girlfriends to review. I would look at it every night. My best friend told me to be very careful what you asked for because it will come true. It turns out my man was exactly what I asked for - only one sticking point that he changed immediately. (Brushed his teeth once instead of twice a day) lol

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