babblingbandit.me does Droptober: The home stretch

Only three more days left of Droptober - Just lose 2kg. This month has gone so quickly, like I wrote earlier this week, it has flown. As the 31st rolls near I can feel my rock solid resolve to lose weight and get healthy start to waver ever so slightly. I felt the addiction centre of my brain, which has always had such control over me, try to bully the tiny, but growing willpower sector. If there was a chocoholics anonymous meeting nearby, I'd go. I need someone to place their hands on my shoulders, look me in the eyes and say: you can do this.

Maybe I should just look in the mirror and say it to myself: You can do this Vanessa!

I've been feeling a bit iffy these last few days. I can't quite put a name to it. Not physically off but mentally out of kilter. The morning I woke up and wrote about how I heart my body I felt great. More than great: hell, I posted a frigging picture of myself in my undies on the world wide web for all to see. There's no way I would have done that a few months ago. Probably not even last month!

Friday morning, I'd literally just woken up, my eyes still puffy from sleep and my hair boofy from rubbing against my pillow through the night. I had no makeup on, no product in my mane and I felt natural and healthy and happy and satisfied with myself and my body. So I took the snap, wrote the piece and clicked on that publish button with only a hint of doubt about what I was doing.

By Friday afternoon that awesome buzz of confidence and happiness started to fade and I don't know why. It might have been from spending the morning with Noo who started every sentence while we were out with "Mummy, I want". It might have been because I had made a commitment to help some people in the afternoon but cancelled at the last minute. It might have been because my parents were back in the city for a week. Or it might have been because I broke my sugar ban by finishing off Noo's Killer Python therefore adding pure candy sugar to my diet for the first time in weeks, making me feel guilty as well as kind of disgusting.

I blame you Killer Python!
Photo source

The morning before I saw Shrink for the first time in about six weeks. It had been great to have such a break from the never ending navel gazing that is self analysis. When I walked into his office I felt terrific and I kind of wondered to myself why I was there. I would only talk with him about what had been going on in between appointments - the superficial stuff. I didn't want my great mood brought down by dragging out and picking apart the past.

We talked about dating and dieting, about my medications and my upcoming appointment with another psychiatrist to get a second opinion on my ADHD diagnosis. I told him that although I'd been dating a few blokes, I didn't think I'd found the elusive Mr Right just yet.

The thing is, I'm not bothered that either of guys I have been dating are not The One. I've been enjoying their company and I've really loved getting to know some new people. Challenging myself to push out of my usual comfort zones (eg ProBlogger Event and the online dating experiences) have been very confidence boosting. My diet has been fantastic (except for aforementioned Killer Python) and my three day pseudo juice detox I mentioned the other day helped me drop another kilo.

So why has my mood shifted down a notch?

Time for some more analysing? Or wait til it passes?

I want to feel naturally high on life everyday. I want to feel contentment and satisfaction and love and patience and gratitude. Every. Single. Day.

But I want never gets, right? At least that is what I tell Noo.

Over these remaining 72 hours of Droptober I pledge to do the following:

• Keep away from sugar and chocolate and keep to my healthy low carb, high protein diet.
• Exercise at our gym every morning on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
• Drink lots of water.
• Stay positive.
• Have fun.

Are you an over analyser like me? Is that even possible? Do you find you can feel so good one minute and then seemingly out of the blue feel down? Or at least a bit sideways?

I hope you have had a great weekend wherever you are and that you start the week tomorrow with a smile on your face.

And don't forget it is not too late to throw a couple of dollars in the direction of Variety - The Children's Charity through my Droptober page.


V.