The BB top 5 list of surprising things about kids and parenting

For as long as I can remember, I always wanted to have a child. When adults would ask little Vanessa what she wanted to be when she grew up, she would always respond: "a mum". She, being me, had dreams of taking care of a husband and babies and being a proper little mummy, just like in the family shows on the telly. Probably not a Brady Bunch style family, but a family. And not like my family; in my childhood fantasies I would be a stay at home mum, not a work sometimes seven days a week mum (no judgements on my mum FYI, just saying).

That's my 8ish year old self with my toy babies.
From left to right: Teddy (my all time favourite toy),
Alexis (my Cabbage Patch daughter) and Christina (my sister's Cabbage Patch, ie my niece) 

This desire for kids didn't wane with age. My family is not a particularly big one, and my son was the first grandchild, so I'd never had any real experience with babies either. And even though my lifestyle was very unconducive to raising a child, I still wanted one. At 34 when my newborn boy was first handed to me, I'd never changed a nappy before. Ever.

So when I was kind of thrown into parenthood, on my own (with a lot of help from my now retired parents), I was pretty surprised by some of the stuff that comes with having a kid.

The BB top 5 list of surprising things about kids and parenting

(aged 0 to 3 years and almost 9 months)

1. Kids come with a lot of sand 

Yes. Sand. Our washing machine and dryer are both FULL of sand. Noo brings back the equivalent of half the Simpson Desert with him every day. It is hidden in shoes, pockets, bodily crevices...

Since we had our dining table painted matte black I can notice it more than ever. From the dryer, to the washing basket, dumped on the table and it is everywhere! Sand! For us, this started at around 14 months when Noo started daycare. Everywhere.

Sand collection in action

2. Three year olds really do listen to you and repeat what you say in their own little ways

It is so strange, hearing my most commonly used words thrown back at me by a little person. Except for swear words. I used to be a chronic swearer. I love to swear. I don't know why. Maybe it makes me feel powerful and cool. Why does anyone use four letter words to express themselves? I've obviously cut back on the cussing since Noo could speak, but it is a hard habit to break.

I still say shit a lot. I try to say 'shivers' in replace of shit but still shit comes out. And I try to say 'fudge' in replace of the F-bomb. Despite the fact that I do say shit, oh and 'bloody', quite a lot, I've never heard Noo say either. I told him these are grown up words that only grown ups are allowed to say. He accepts that. For now.

When Noo was a little tacker, with only a few words and phrases, he would say "here-ya, here-ya, here-ya" with his little arms stretched out in the general direction of whatever it was he wanted. It wasn't til then that I realised that I say "here-ya" all the time. As in "here-ya, have this" or "here-ya, gimme that". Dreadful. My mum is always reminding me of that expensive private school education I had and she paid for. We didn't have elocution lessons, mum!

The other funny phrases Noo says, that obviously come from me are: "Oh my goodness!", and "I really fancy a ...", and "Actually...". Also Noo never answers in a simple yes or no. It is always "I will" or "I won't" or "I have", etc. You get the picture.

3. Being a mum can be lonely

I had no idea how lonely being a mum can be. I know I'm a sole parent so of course there'll be times that I feel alone. But I don't think single mums are the only ones who feel it. Partnered mums spend an enormous time alone raising their kids while the father/partner is off at work. 

Also, dad/partner isn't going to be getting up at night for the 3am feed with you. There's no need for two to do that job. There is a lot of time where mum/primary care giver is by themselves with their baby who gives nothing back but smiles and cuteness and lots of good stuff, but it isn't the same as being with someone who is actually going to talk back to you in comprehensible sentences.

Only recently have I really started to absolutely love my solo time with Noo. I loved being with him before now, it was just harder. Now he is nearly four he is conversational, reasonable (most of the time), engaging and a whole lot of fun. We are best buds and I don't feel lonely when I'm with him any more.

4. Somehow you get used to handling disgusting bodily waste products

Poo, wee, vomit, snot. You name it, kids excrete it! We all think it is disgusting. I was always proud of myself that I only got baby poo on my hand once when Noo was a bubba. But then came toddlerhood and toilet training. That shit (yes, pun intended) is messy! And wee? As chief penis holder, while Noo learns to do 'stand up wees', I've got little boy pee on my hands way too often! 

And in the colder months? I had no idea I'd be wiping mucus off the kid constantly and picking his nose for him and wiping the snot trails off furniture... No idea.

The weird thing is that I'm not freaked out about it like I was pre-baby. It is still gross, don't get me wrong, but I guess as a parent, you just can't walk away from it. You just gotta get over it! Someone's gotta clean it up.

5. The love you feel for your own child is like nothing you have felt or will ever feel

OK, so I always knew I'd love my baby. Always. But I could never have predicted how deep and true that love would be. When I found out I was having a boy, I knew I loved Noo and would do anything for him. But it wasn't until I met him on the outside that I truly fell in love.

I know I've shown this pic on my blog before but I love it.
The day we met.

I spent five days in hospital on my own with Noo over Christmas 2008. It was both terrifying and wondrous at the same time. I would not let Noo go. I wanted him in bed with me and was constantly getting into trouble with the midwives for falling asleep with Noo in my arms. It was like if I let him go he might disappear. On the other hand, it was quite a lonely time. I had my own room and had to stay a while because of my history of depression and addiction and just generally lacking any real coping skills. My family and friends came to visit, but only for short periods, and I felt an overwhelming sense of aloneness with this new alien creature that I had no idea how to care for. On Christmas eve my beautiful sister Yolanda stayed with me in the hospital on the bed reserved for dads or partners. The post birth blues had kicked in and I couldn't stop crying. But through the tears and the fear my love for my baby only grew and grew.

Looking into Noo's closed eyes tonight as I carried him from the couch to his bed while he slept, I felt it. That overwhelming sense of pure love that I can't describe. As he lay in my arms, completely vulnerable and innocent, peaceful and calm, I looked into that beautiful soft face and my heart swelled with it. There's no judgement, no conditions. Just love.

I love all the surprises that come with parenthood. I love watching Noo learn new things and overcome new challenges or achieve new goals. He is truly my pride and joy and any other cliché you can come up with. I love that kid.

He is my son and I am his mum.

No surprises there!

V.