Monday, July 23, 2012

Looking backwards to go forwards

Looking back on my recent posts I realise I've been writing so much about the past lately. While painful at times, I've found the process of writing it all down to be so cathartic. It is almost like, with each story I blog, I am able to let go of the grip each memory has had on me and I'm able to move further forward.

I started the story of Noo's father in my last post. You can catch up here if you missed it. That scene that I wrote had literally just happened and was rolling around in my head so I felt compelled to come straight to my laptop and type.

But I think there has been so much talk in my blog recently of alcohol and drugs, depression and anxiety and of rock bottom, that I need to write about something a little lighter today. Thinking about my blog this morning I thought I really should remind my readers that I have been sober for four years now. And although these last four years have not been easy due to depression and anxiety that ebbs and wanes like the tides, my sobriety has been rock solid.

Anyway, I've got in my reflective voice again. I really want to be able to write in my happy everyday voice as well. Because now, today, I am happy.

My favourite photo of the day
I'm taking the photo in the reflection of the mirror in our loungeroom
Me, Yolanda (my sister), Mala and my mum

Right now I am going through a period of stability. Oh, stability! How I love thee! Last week I was a little messed up from the new meds I'm taking but even those have settled down over the last 48 hours. Noo is happy and content. He is sleeping in his bed next to me right now. I can hear him breathe and sigh quietly and occasionally grind his teeth. I have changed him back to three days of daycare a week now that I'm feeling better than I was earlier in the year. I want to be with him when I can.

I will also start looking after my niece two days a week to help out my sister pretty soon. This will be the closest thing I have had to a real job for a while and I am really looking forward to the challenge and the commitment. I will be able to spend the next six months building up my confidence by seeing something through, as well as have time to continue to build my online presence. I am so lucky to be able to do that.

If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram you will know that I spend a lot of time with the beautiful Miss Mala. I cannot describe to you how much I love being with that little girl. She is a delight! There is something so lovely about being an aunty.

Well it is Tuesday tomorrow and on Tuesdays Noo and I catch up with some friends of mine from school and their little kids. It is always an energetic day so I best get me some sleep to recharge the batteries.

I hope everything is well in your little corner of the world.



Diet Schmiet said...

My niece is almost 16 and we were very close when she was little. I can't help but wish she'd been born later as I suspect I would appreciate her all of the more if I'd known I wasn't going to (be able to) have kids and she would be 'it'.

The Babbling Bandit said...

I didn't really think about it before she was born, but now I realise Mala has definitely filled the gap where my yearning for a second child was. Being a aunty is great because I get to do the fun things but still sleep at night. V.

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