I haven't written in two weeks and just typing this now is a struggle. I've been really down about my band and haven't wanted to put it into words to be published but I think until I do, this feeling won't go away.
The last time I wrote was before Australia Day when I won a Stylish Blogger Award. That was two weeks ago when I was having trouble getting food down because my band was too tight. In that post I was hoping for a 1kg loss at my next weigh in. Well, when I weighed in on the Monday, after a couple of weeks of getting stuck, I gained! A whole kilo! I couldn't believe it. Having all that restriction and trouble eating and still I gained. I know the week before that I'd been doing that crazy diet of no dairy, no red meat, no carbs, but still. So I rang my surgeon and booked in for an unfill. No use in having all that uncomfortable tightness if it wasn't even helping me lose weight.
I went along to the clinic and my doctor was very nice about it all. He thought it strange though that I was having trouble getting food down, yet I was still hungry all the time. He took out .1ml and ordered a barium swallow, which I'm yet to do. He asked me if I was chewing properly. Was I waiting a full three minutes after the first bite before proceeding with subsequent mouthfuls which are to be taken at 30 seconds intervals? I said he hadn't mentioned the three minute rule for the first bite before, but I would try that in future.
So since I've had the tiny .1ml of saline taken out, I'm eating much, much more easily. It was such a relief! I still have some restriction, but I'm able to eat a larger range of food and not having that stuck feeling in my chest is so good. I'm hungry a lot though which is not so good. I was hungry before the unfill anyway, so what can I say? I don't know why it is. Maybe the barium swallow will tell us something.
Basically I'm a bit disappointed. I thought having a lap-band would be a lot easier. Not easy, but not this hard. I thought I'd feel satisfied after about 1 to 1.5 cups of food and not need to eat in between meals. I knew I'd have to work at chewing and eating slowly and I'd still have to choose the right foods. I guess what I'm disappointed about is still having that hungry feeling that does me in every time.
I've only lost 1kg (2.2lb) since Christmas. What's not to be disappointed about? That is a crap result. I really thought I'd be down to 80kg, if not in the 70s by now. Urgh! Really disappointed. In myself and the band. I've really been self sabotaging this weekend too. I ate almost a whole packet of chocolate wafer biscuits yesterday. Not in one sitting, but gradually over the day. Noo had two, I ate the rest. Urgh! Plus I've had ice cream every night with a delicious berry crumble my mum made. So good, so bad. Urgh!
I seriously need to get out of this band-funk. I need to find my motivation again and get off this plateau. I need energy and inspiration and motivation! I need my band to be my friend again and not my enemy.
This is not a great photo of me, but it shows how I feel.
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| Tired, down and over it. |
That is all for now. I'll try to blog more frequently. I'm so busy with uni that I'm finding it hard to find the motivation to write here as well as write all my stuff for school.
I hope everyone else is in a better place than me right now.
V.
