Sunday, February 6, 2011

Disappointed

Hello everyone


I haven't written in two weeks and just typing this now is a struggle. I've been really down about my band and haven't wanted to put it into words to be published but I think until I do, this feeling won't go away.


The last time I wrote was before Australia Day when I won a Stylish Blogger Award. That was two weeks ago when I was having trouble getting food down because my band was too tight. In that post I was hoping for a 1kg loss at my next weigh in. Well, when I weighed in on the Monday, after a couple of weeks of getting stuck, I gained! A whole kilo! I couldn't believe it. Having all that restriction and trouble eating and still I gained. I know the week before that I'd been doing that crazy diet of no dairy, no red meat, no carbs, but still. So I rang my surgeon and booked in for an unfill. No use in having all that uncomfortable tightness if it wasn't even helping me lose weight.


I went along to the clinic and my doctor was very nice about it all. He thought it strange though that I was having trouble getting food down, yet I was still hungry all the time. He took out .1ml and ordered a barium swallow, which I'm yet to do. He asked me if I was chewing properly. Was I waiting a full three minutes after the first bite before proceeding with subsequent mouthfuls which are to be taken at 30 seconds intervals? I said he hadn't mentioned the three minute rule for the first bite before, but I would try that in future. 


So since I've had the tiny .1ml of saline taken out, I'm eating much, much more easily. It was such a relief! I still have some restriction, but I'm able to eat a larger range of food and not having that stuck feeling in my chest is so good. I'm hungry a lot though which is not so good. I was hungry before the unfill anyway, so what can I say? I don't know why it is. Maybe the barium swallow will tell us something.


Basically I'm a bit disappointed. I thought having a lap-band would be a lot easier. Not easy, but not this hard. I thought I'd feel satisfied after about 1 to 1.5 cups of food and not need to eat in between meals. I knew I'd have to work at chewing and eating slowly and I'd still have to choose the right foods. I guess what I'm disappointed about is still having that hungry feeling that does me in every time.


I've only lost 1kg (2.2lb) since Christmas. What's not to be disappointed about? That is a crap result. I really thought I'd be down to 80kg, if not in the 70s by now. Urgh! Really disappointed. In myself and the band. I've really been self sabotaging this weekend too. I ate almost a whole packet of chocolate wafer biscuits yesterday. Not in one sitting, but gradually over the day. Noo had two, I ate the rest. Urgh! Plus I've had ice cream every night with a delicious berry crumble my mum made. So good, so bad. Urgh! 


I seriously need to get out of this band-funk. I need to find my motivation again and get off this plateau. I need energy and inspiration and motivation! I need my band to be my friend again and not my enemy.


This is not a great photo of me, but it shows how I feel. 

Tired, down and over it.


That is all for now. I'll try to blog more frequently. I'm so busy with uni that I'm finding it hard to find the motivation to write here as well as write all my stuff for school. 


I hope everyone else is in a better place than me right now.


V.

7 comments:

All That Razzberry (Outback Bandit) said...

Oooh, Im excited about the Virtu clearance store!! The bonus for me with Virtu is that they have free shipping and no hassle returns. I buy thing even if Im not 100% certain, and just return anything I dont like. Maybe we can go to the Virtu clearance store together one day... :)

I've never heard of waiting 3 mins after your first mouthful. I should try that, Im getting stuck a lot after my last fill. It's kinda exciting though, because I feel like the band is finally working. Now I just need to stop eating crap...

I dont have any advise... Im trying to figure it all out too..

Good to see you back blogging :)

Silverhairedgoddess said...

I never heard of waiting 3 minutes between one bite and the next either.

I have been experiencing alot of restriction too and last week I could barely eat anything, except at night when I was so hungry that I was eating slider foods ... so anyway.... when I went to weigh in I had gained 2 pounds.... but I knew that would happen because if you don't eat enough calories to maintain your body, you will gain weight because your body is storing what you eat because it thinks you are starving and it wants to keep you alive by storing anything you eat.

Actually the band is only a tool to stop you from overeating but you still have to eat the right amount of calories (for me it is 1,200 each day)and to exercise every day).

So eat all your required calories and do not give up !!!! It is hard... and you can do it!!!

The Babbling Bandit said...

Thanks ladies for the comments.

The doc said waiting three minutes after the first bite primes the pouch to get ready for food. It helps get all the juices flowing so it is well lubricated to get the rest of your meal through. Makes sense seeing the first mouthfuls are always the hardest for me.

Hope this advice helps you.

V.

Diana said...

I would recommend getting the barium swallow if your getting things stuck yet are feeling hungry its a red flag for a slipped band. I had one and that is exactly what happened. Hopefully its not. But its definetly worth having done. I actually put on 7kg when my band was slipped.
Diana

Bonnie said...

Don't know if it helps, but it's not smooth sailing for me either. We can do this, though.

The Babbling Bandit said...

Diana - Crikey! Slipped band... sounds yuck. Will get to the xray place tomorrow and sort it out. God, I hope it doesn't taste too bad.

Bonnie - thanks for the support. Sorry to hear you're having a rough time too.

amandakiska said...

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. It sounds really frustrating! I refused to even think about dieting for years (pre-band)because of extreme frustration so I know how hard it can be to get past that. Hopefully you'll get some answers from the barium swallow.

In the meantime don't forget all the bandster basics - eat slowly, chew thouroughly, protein first, etc. It might be a good time to record your food for awhile to get back on track.

I believe that all foods should be permitted in moderation as part of a healthy diet. For me that means I usually have dessert two times a week and I measure out one serving. If you make sweets an allowed, occassional part of your diet, you may find that you're less likely to go over-board.

Keep blogging! It really does help. Everyone experiences times when they are not really motivated and times when they are.

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