If you read my blog or follow me on Facebook or Twitter you'll know I've been having a rough time with my mental health lately. There's a chemical imbalance going on in that head of mine somewhere but there are a number of triggers that can set me off. One of them has become blogging.
I love writing my blog but I've all of a sudden become a bit paranoid about how much of my life I've published on here. I'm also nervous about being involved in sponsored posts, not publishing frequently enough, and not commenting enough on other blogs.
I worry what readers might think of me, how they judge me or the content that I write. This sort of stuff has never worried me before. Every word I have written has been honest and published with good intentions.
Even as I write this post my typing, which is usually awesome (if I do say so myself - 16 years of secretarial work will do that), is failing. I feel like I'm stuttering with my fingers while I try to identify my fears and articulate them into words.
I have never hidden the fact that I've got a blog and I've used my real name on this blog since Google Authorship began and when readers started complimenting me on my writing. I felt proud and wanted to take open credit for it. Now, oddly, I don't even believe it. The credit that is. The mind plays dirty tricks!
When I was recently named a finalist in the Bupa Health Influencer Blog Awards I didn't believe it. How could my little blog make the cut of 30 finalists out of over 600 entries? I checked and double checked the email I was sent and the Bupa website but true enough, there was my little blog's name: babblingbandit.me.
The brilliant blogger Carly Findlay won my category of "Positive Life Change" and I was honoured to be named alongside her. But still I feel this nagging sense of inferiority and paranoia that my blog is not worth it.
Anyway, I've confessed it now. I'm hoping the feeling is just an illusion; a trick played by my warped brain and that I'll get my blogging confidence back again soon.
Have you got anything to confess?
V.
PS I can barely keep my eyes open as I finish this post off so if there are any glaring errors I've missed forgive me! These meds I'm on make me so sleepy at night!
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