Something is missing

It's Wednesday afternoon; I'm tired, cranky and just a teensy bit anxious. I need a whinge so I might as well do it here.

Noo is home on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and these past two days have been those kinds of days that I just wish would be over and done with so it was time to drop him off at daycare again. He can be so frustrating at times! As he hurtles toward his third birthday it gets more and more frustrating when he doesn't listen to me and take instruction. For example when I'm yelling at him across the shopping centre to stop running and come back to me he barely turns around to smile before continuing to run in the other direction. So annoying! I hate being one of those parents that is constantly yelling out their child's name across the park, store, street, wherever!

I need a kid break. I need a long sexy weekend away having adult times with another adult (male of course) without having to think about any responsibilities or any of the other little things that keep me feeling guilty that I should be doing this or doing that. 

I wrote recently that I was cool with being single and that is true, but I really feel I need to take a lover. Take a lover. Wouldn't it be nice if it was as easy as that. I think I heard one of the characters on Downton Abbey the other night say something about 'taking a mistress'.  Turning 37 on Sunday just reminds me how I'm wasting my most sexually potent years being abstinent. It sucks. When I was in my 20s and early 30s I had plenty of sex but mostly it was bad sex. Drunken fumblings with men I barely knew or when I was in a long relationship in my early twenties I was too embarrassed to say what I wanted and how I liked it. And honestly, I don't think I really knew back then anyway. Now, I have the confidence, I know what I like and I've lost 20kgs so I'm READY!

Meeting people for dating is now suppose to be easier than ever. With there being so many dating sites (eg RSVP, eHarmony) and now even iPhone applications (Blendr) in theory it should be really easy to get a date and subsequently some sex. And I tried the old fashioned way a couple of Fridays ago. About four single mates and I went to a very busy bar in the city and it really was amazing the amount of male talent there. There were hot guys everywhere. The only problem was the boys weren't talking to the girls. It seemed typically Australian where all the guys were standing with their groups of mates and all the girls were in groups and everyone was eyeing each other off but no one was taking it further than that. Not until that is, confidence levels rose with blood alcohol levels.

As anybody who has read my blog in the past would know, I don't drink. I haven't done so for about three and a half years. I'm not a wowser and I have no problem with people drinking around me but when guys start getting silly with it, and even less attractive, sleazy with it, I take it as my cue to leave. And that's just what I did on that Friday night.

After one of my friends decided to go back on RSVP for a look, I thought, what the hell, I'll reinstate my profile, update it a bit and see if there's anyone on there worth thinking about. After a bit of searching I was really amazed by the lack of potential, except for one guy. So I sent that guy a 'kiss', the free communication that the site has to allow users to get in first contact with one another. He eventually sent one back saying he'd be happy for me to email him. Now to email someone other than using the pre-worded 'kisses' you have to purchase stamps and they cost a fortune. Its about $50 for 6 stamps that are valid for a month from the purchase date. There weren't 6 people that I wanted to email and anyway, as anyone who regularly reads this blog knows, I'm always skint so there was no way I was going to spend $50 to contact one guy. Plus I'd never had to pay for stamps in the past, so I wasn't going to start now. 

I told my friend about this dilemma and she offered to email this bloke using her account because she had some stamps that were about to expire and she couldn't find anyone worth using them on herself. So away she goes sending an email worded by me which included my email address that I use for people I don't know well yet. He emails me back and finally we have contact out of the RSVP system.

The email the guy sends me comes from his usual address which has his full name. Of course, armed with this information, I go straight to my browser and Google him. I felt so indecent doing it. I felt like a stalker or peeping tom or private detective doing a background check. The information is there, its public, but is it right to go snooping on someone you're planning on meeting on a date before you've even met? This guy is like me, he's all over Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn and has a couple of blogs. So within minutes I had his entire work history, information on the kind of people he follows, what he likes to do in his spare time based on tweets and from other sites his name had been included in. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on which way you look at it) for him he has an unusual name so it was easy to find all this out.

After a few get-to-know-you emails we exchange phone numbers and before long we're on to texting each other little messages about what we're doing and photos of what we're seeing and we set up a date for Monday night. Although I've done the online dating thing for a decade now (god I'm old!) I still find this all kind of strange. Before I've even met the person I'm going out with we already know so much about each other!

I guess in a lot of ways its good. You can weed out the people who would absolutely be no fit straight away. You can decide before you've met whether or not you think you could compromise on this issue or that. And you can find out pretty early on if you have the same core values and if you want the same things (eg kids, which is a biggie). 

But, as I said earlier, I am really just looking for a regular shag with relationship potential maybe, but mostly for unadulterated down and dirty adult fun with some hanging out in between (eg movies, galleries, dinner, etc). There wasn't enough of that in the last relationship. It seemed staged and predictable from the outset. The relationship before that, the one many years before, was at the other end of the spectrum - pure hedonistic trashy sex, drugs and alcohol fueled lust that went on for weeks. Then three years later, Mr nice guy who's so chivalrous and polite that we move from dating to married couple within weeks. What I want now is something in between.

So, could this guy be the one? Not necessarily The One but the one for right now. I hope so. The potential is there so far. We had a great time on Monday night and I definitely felt the sexual chemistry. He lives really nearby which is also an added bonus. We also have a lot in common and a lot to talk about, so who knows... 

Fingers crossed.

V.