Three easy positive changes anyone can make to help themselves (especially me!)

The last two months have been some of the most challenging times for me since The Assault, since I hit Rock Bottom, and since I became a new sole parent with undiagnosed acute postpartum thyroid disease.

I had no idea what was wrong with me when things started to go awry in May earlier this year, and I still don't, but my psychiatrist, who has been trying to label me as having Bipolar II disorder since I started seeing him in early 2012, thinks this recent episode is more evidence of that diagnosis.

As my mood swung from the extremes of happiness to aggressive irritation; high anxiety to full blown tears, everyone around me knew something was very wrong. Sometimes these changes would happen within a day, sometimes within an hour and as each day passed without any emotional stability I began to trust myself less and fear everything more.

I've had nine doctors' appointments and seven different medications to try and sort out my topsy turvy mood. Now, touch wood, I think I can confidently say I'm coming through to the other side of this current episode. It has now been a week since any massive swings have occurred and I really feel like I can see clearly for the first time in two months, possibly longer.

While I was in the grips of the episode doing anything positive to help myself seemed impossible or just didn't come to mind at all. I reached for the easy options like chocolate cake and Valium. Now, as the fog begins to clear, I can see there are some easy changes I can make to my everyday routine to really help make myself feel more in control of my life.

These are the No Shit Sherlock life changes anyone can make to help themselves feel better:

1. Eat well

Never easy for me, being the lover of all things sweet and chocolatey, but if I could just cut down on the sugar and increase the fruit, veggies and protein, I'm sure there would be some impact to my mood. I know there would! When I quit sugar last year I felt on top of the world. Getting started is the hardest part. Letting go of the yummy treats sometimes seems almost unfathomable!

My recent blood tests also show I have Hashimoto's Disease (the autoimmune disease Sarah Wilson has that inspired her quit sugar campaign) as a result of the postpartum thyroid disease I suffered so badly with after Noo was born. I didn't realise this before my recent tests. I knew I had to watch my thyroid levels should I ever plan to have another baby, but I didn't realise that I was living with this condition and will forever. Quitting sugar, if only I could do it, could probably make a big difference to my life.

2. Exercise, even just a tiny bit

Shrink ordered me to walk as fast as I could for half an hour a day no matter what. He said to take the order like a prescription, a tablet that I mustn't miss, but of course I've been slack on this one. Everyone knows that exercise helps with depression. This is a scientific fact! The endorphins exercise produce stimulate the reward centre in the brain which, as a recovering drug and alcohol addict, my brain loves!

I don't know why I can't get off my butt and just do it. What is holding me back? What do I fear? My knees and hips are aching from the massive 8kgs I've put on this year since the depression started and I'm feeling old and weary.

I've got to get moving!

3. See my friends more

I've been avoiding my friends a little lately because I don't want to bore them with my continuous tales of woe. They can come here to read about that shit. I feel like I've had nothing positive to contribute to light conversation and my weight gain has made me feel more self conscious about going out, even though I've spent a small fortune on clothes lately (I blame the impulsivity that comes with my mood swings for this!). But I should see my friends because I have some great mates who make me feel good and who I love being with. For all I know, they might be going through shit and need a shoulder to cry on!


One event that has buoyed my feeling of self worth was my recent naming as a finalist in the Bupa Health Influencer Blog Awards in the Positive Life Change category. There are so many amazing blogs in the finalist lists including Sarah Wilson's I Quit Sugar, Carly Findlay, Easy Peasy Kids, Random Ramblings of a Stay at Home Mum and so many more! I congratulate all the finalists and wish them luck.

It is hard to believe that "positive life change" is something I should be recognised for right now, when I struggle so much with the day to day, when the thought of having a 'real job' still terrifies me, and that looking after kids is something that can cause me enough anxiety to run from the room crying. But I have to remember what I was like six years ago, reread my posts From Rock Bottom to Parenthood and give myself credit for what I have done, not for what I'm still trying to achieve.

Bupa have asked all the finalists to answer a few questions about themselves and one of them was what our favourite quote is. I have a lot of favourite quotes but the one I found and gave them, I thought was particularly apt:

The will to change has to come from the heart, your heart, my heart. Whoever it is that wants to make a big change in their life has to really, really want it. Like Andy Warhol is quoted above, no one can make you do it. Sure you can get all the help in the world if you can afford it, but really it is up to you, me, whoever to turn up everyday and give it our best. It takes audacity and determination and sometimes it even takes the threat of death, like when I was at Rock Bottom, to really find what it takes to make consistent lifestyle changes that stick.

Yes, there are factors in my situation that are beyond my control, or that I am actually helping myself with already (eg medication and therapy) but I believe the above three lifestyle changes could also really assist in giving me a better, more satisfying life.

All I have to do now is decide if I'm ready.

Have you made any major changes in your life recently so you can live a happier,
more satisfying existence?

V.

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Google is smarter than my doctor

The last post I wrote before this recent burst of blogging activity about Blogopolis was back in February this year. I talked in detail about how I was suffering from terrible Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS) which was having an affect on nearly every aspect of my life. I couldn't sleep properly so I was exhausted, anxious, irritable, unmotivated and feeling downright terrible most of the time. This was having a serious follow-on effect on my closest relationships, particularly with Noo. So much so, that for the first time since he was a tiny baby, I was hating being a parent. I love Noo, don't get my wrong, I just stopped liking being a parent because I wasn't coping.

I am happy now to report that I have been cured of my RLS. Yes. Cured. After three years of suffering. And the only reason why I am cured is because I, once again, used Google to self diagnose and to find out what course of action was required to sort out my problem.

This is not the first time the internet has saved me:

After Noo was born I suffered from extreme anxiety, profusive sweating, insomnia, insatiable appetite and these horrible brain buzzes that would make me feel extremely dizzy. I saw my GP and psychiatrist several times a week trying to get back on track with my recovery which had been going well in the lead up to Noo’s birth. Both of them said I was just feeling the new mother blues more than other new mums because of my history. After three months of suffering I’d had enough and told my psych I wanted to change my antidepressant. Because she had been increasing my dose since Noo was born, to come off the drug I had to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital to be kept under surveillance while 'washing out' before I could start the new antidepressant. As is routine, the hospital’s GP did a stack of blood tests when I was admitted. By the next day I was told that my thyroid was extremely overactive to the point where the GP thought I could have Graves Disease, which I later discovered would explain a lot of my symptoms. 

I had my laptop with me so went straight back to my room and Googled it which frightened the living daylights out of me – not great when you’re coming off a massive dose of Effexor!

After further research online I came to the conclusion I had post-partum thyroiditis which is a temporary condition and is actually quite common and very often goes undiagnosed because the symptoms very much sound like what a normal new mother would go through, although my symptoms were very severe. 

When I took the printed information I'd gathered from the internet to my GP and psych they dismissed it and told me to wait until I saw a specialist. It wasn’t until I was able to see an endocrinologist many weeks later that my research was confirmed as correct. I just wish I’d Googled my symptoms much earlier because I think it would have helped me to know that I wasn’t going mad, that I actually had a physical condition.

So back to 2012, I was getting desperate again, so scared I was back on a downward spiral into depression. You can hear it in my posts around that time. I felt dreadful. I am a regular at my doctor. I go all the time. I have to have regular check ups for various reasons or another. I guess because I have been so unwell in the past I am hyper vigilant about my mental health. I over analyse my over analysis. I'm a nutcase basically, but let's get on with the story...

So I had my list of symptoms that I kept asking the doctor about: exhaustion, feeling down, anxiety, hairloss, constipation, headaches and of course RLS. Many of these symptoms could be put down to another bout of depression. But just like when I had post partum thyroiditis which wasn't diagnosed for four months because of my history of mental health issues, I wasn't going to back down until I got some answers.

I get that, because my anxiety does manifest itself in my body, for example headaches and chest pain,  neck and shoulder pain, etc, it could be easy to just shrug it off and think, come on, get over it. But when the symptoms are persistent I don't want to keep being told to do some relaxation or whatever. And this is why I am telling this story. Because if you don't feel right in yourself, don't just take your doctor's word for it. Because we know our own bodies best. No one else can feel what you feel.

So back in early February I mentioned that I was asking my doctor to order some thyroid function tests to see if my thyroid hadn't gone hypo again which could explain the tiredness, hairloss and constipation, but those tests came back negative. I got a referral to a new psychiatrist to discuss coming off my medication even though it was agreed by all that after nearly three years on Cipramil it was pretty safe to say that wasn't what was making my legs twitch through the night.

So I went to Google again and found that RLS was one of the symptoms of iron deficiency anaemia. Back to the GP I went, did tests and found out my iron stores were so low and had been for so long I was now anaemic. Hello!! Exhaustion anyone? My haemoglobin levels were well below normal. No wonder I was feeling so shit and tired and wanting to sleep all day and biting everyone's heads off and wanting to trade Noo into the highest bidder!

Next stop was the gastroenterologist to find out where I was losing blood. One top n tail (colonoscopy/gasoscopy) and one adventure swallowing a camera to look at my small intestine later and still we were nowhere near finding out the source of my 'leak'. 

I asked the specialist about my symptoms. What could I do about this bloody fucken Restless Leg Syndrome this iron deficiency was causing in the meantime? He looked at me blankly and said he didn't know there was a correlation between RLS and iron deficiency anaemia. Oh, I thought. But Google told me there was! The doctor looked at me like, you going to trust the internet over me?

But I wanted something done about it anyway. And so the next week I was booked in for an iron infusion. This sounds really painful and icky but it was just a matter of laying around while I got all this synthetic iron pumped into me via a drip.

The synthetic iron in a drip bag

All hooked up - thank goodness I had a fresh manicure!

Morning tea

4 hours later... nearly finished

Within two weeks of that infusion I was cured of my Restless Leg Syndrome.

I shit you not!

Always trust yourself when it comes to your own body! Don't suffer unnecessarily because your doctor tells you it is in your head. 

I can now go to bed without fear of twitching and aching, or of pacing or going mad. I don't need to take benzos to get to sleep and I wake up feeling refreshed (most days, at least on the days that I'm not suffering from some daycare sourced cold or flu!). Even my dreams are more calm because I am not going to bed in fear every night.

I am back to loving being a mum! Noo and I have that thing going on where we enjoy each other's company again. Since the iron infusion my energy levels have slowly risen and I am back on the road to recovery. 

What a diversion from that road it has been! But at least I'm back.

Has anyone else used Google to help with a medical concern?


V.


Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, these are just my experiences. Please do not use Google as your only source of medical assistance. ALWAYS see a doctor. Not all people who suffer RLS can be cured by sorting out any iron issues they may or may not have.