babblingbandit.me

Thursday, February 13, 2014

When is the right time for kids to try alcohol?

"Noo, have a taste of this", my mother offered kindly. "It's delicious", she promised.

I was in the kitchen when I overheard this conversation going on in the hall.

"It's pear flavour", mum explained.

I looked around the kitchen and saw a half empty bottle of pear cider sitting on the kitchen bench.

"Nooooooo!" I screamed, running into the other room. "Don't let him have any of that! It's alcoholic!" Fear drummed through me. It was if I was about to take my first sip of alcohol in nearly six years.

"Oh! I'm so sorry! I didn't realise. I thought it was just sparkling pear juice, like apple cider", my well meaning mother apologised.

The feeling in me was so irrational, I know, but I don't want Noo to have any alcohol until he is of legal drinking age. Not even a little sip. I know that is a crazy expectation to have in this day and age. I can't be with him all the time but I want to do whatever I can to encourage him to wait until he is 18 years old before getting involved with booze and booze culture, if he chooses to at all.

Put it off for as long as possible - image source

I tried and got a taste for alcohol way too early. My parents took the "forbidden fruit" approach thinking it would be better to let us have a try of wine or beer at home rather than make alcohol forbidden, therefore allowing it to become more attractive to the naturally rebellious side of our teenage years.

This is a common way of thinking for parents of teenagers. As reported by Ward, Snow, et al, in their report The influence of parents and siblings on children’s and adolescents’ attitudes and behaviours towards alcohol: A critical review of the literature (2010) prepared for DrinkWiseAustralia:

"Almost half of Australian parents believe that they should teach their children to drink at home before they reach the age of 18".

I'm not saying that my parents giving me a sip of wine at the dinner table is to blame for me abusing alcohol for 12 years but it certainly gave me a taste for it. Research shows that the earlier kids are given their first taste of alcohol, and this is usually under their parent's consent, the more likely they are to increase their alcohol use later in life:

"Longitudinal studies have shown that child reports of parental supply of alcohol for their last episode of drinking are a strong predictor of increased alcohol use over time. Overseas research suggests that when parents do not supply alcohol, adolescents do not increase their consumption of other alcoholic drinks." - The influence of parents and siblings on children’s and adolescents’ attitudes and behaviours towards alcohol: A critical review of the literature (2010)

Now I know my son is only five years old. And I really hope this issue is one I don't have to worry about for a while, but there are still things we, as parents, can do to help mould our kids' attitudes towards alcohol from a very early age.

I've seen in my Facebook feed, and around other websites I haunt, a great parenting quote that goes something like this: "kids will learn more from what we do, than from what we say". The DrinkWise website backs this up:

"Through observing adults drinking, children form their attitudes to alcohol early in life. The attitudes they develop during their younger years will affect how they make a range of important decisions regarding drinking alcohol in the future, such as: underage drinking, pace yourself or fill-up fast, drink and drive or take a taxi, binge drink to get drunk or drink sensibly, drinking every day or occasionally and so the list goes on."

As I'm close to clocking up six years of sobriety from alcohol, Noo has never seen me drink, and I hope he never will. His grandmother drinks rarely and his grandfather is a moderate drinker but Noo has never seen these two extremely important role models in his life, drunk. And I hope he never will.

One day I will tell him about the alcoholism that has plagued both sides of his family. One day I will tell him about my own troubles with booze. I will tell him that he has to wait until he is legally allowed to before he can have a drink. And I will hope that he will grow to be a self confident young person who will feel able to make healthy choices based on knowledge, rather than let himself be peer pressured into doing things he isn't comfortable with just to feel accepted by the crowd. My parenting choices, starting from the day he was born, will hopefully help him become that person.

I know these are grand aspirations I have for my little boy and for myself as his mum. But, you have to be positive in life, set goals, reach for the sky. Sure, mistakes will be made by both of us along the way. If temptation does get in the way and, like a lot of teens, Noo does sneak a taste of booze before he turns 18, the sky won't fall in. We will deal with it. Together.

How old were you when you first tried alcohol?

If you have kids are you going to let them try it at home first before
they turn 18 or make them wait?

Monday, February 10, 2014

Words don't come easy

Words don't come easy to me
How can I find a way
To make you see
I love you
Words don't come easy
F. R. David, 1982

I know this is such a daggy song but it always comes to my mind when I go to write a blog post and nothing comes out. And this is how I feel right now: The words don't come easy. They are there. The words. My head is swirling with them. Getting them out on the ~~page~~ screen is just so hard at the moment.

Maybe it is this new medication I'm taking for my headaches. It's called topiramate. One of its common side effects is "expressive language disorder". It's brand name is Topamax which has been given the unflattering nickname of Dopamax because it can make some people seem a bit, well, dopey.

I don't feel so dopey. I feel ok so far, just not overly motivated to write, despite my recent declaration that my blog was back.

One thing that I have decided is that I don't want my blog to make me feel guilty - I have so much guilt about other areas of my life. My blog is supposed to make me feel good. I don't want to fight for page clicks or Google rankings or comments or sponsors. I'll keep that little video ad on the right over there but I'm not looking for more advertisers.

I don't think I want to write about products right now but if something really relevant comes my way and I can be bothered, maybe. But I don't want to be stressed about it. I've had a sponsored post hanging over my head since before I went into hospital last year. The PR person has been awesome in not pressuring me to get out a post, considering the brand did send me the product, but I've felt really awkward about how to deal with it now.

Would it look and feel weird if I publish it now? I should, shouldn't I? Oh, I feel like a naughty school girl who hasn't handed in her homework. So unprofessional! But I've had other priorities, you know like staying alive and looking after my kid and getting my head in a functioning order.

The update on that (my head) is that it is functioning (despite the topiramate) and my mood is definitely a hell of a lot more stable than last year but I'm still not 100% (whatever that looks like). I have good days, bad days. Some days the anxiety just overwhelms me and it hurts me in such a physical way. Like a block of cement is laying on my chest and the back of my eyeballs are jittering and I just have to wait it out until it passes.

Yesterday was one of those days. I kept busy all day. I actually did housework. Vacuumed, cleaned the bathroom. For fucksake, I IRONED. I haven't ironed anything since 2007. I kind of understood why some people with anxiety, like my best friend, have to be doing stuff all the time. It sort of keeps your mind off the fluttering in your chest but it doesn't make it go away. I want it to go away forever.

There's nothing to be worried about of course. Noo loves big school. I have a little bit of money in the bank. My weight is going down but I'm not really obsessing about that at the moment anyway. I'm sleeping ok. Walking lots. Reading book four of Game of Thrones before the new season starts on the telly.

But that's Generalised Anxiety Disorder for you. It's GENERALISED.

It's ANNOYING.

Someone once told me "resistance is persistance". I just have to embrace my anxiety in order for it to go away. My current panic attack mantra is "I have anxiety and that is ok". I say it over and over. It works to some degree because rather than fighting it I'm learning to sit with it.

Learning to stay, as Pema Chodron would say.

And, would you look at that: Looks like I've found a few words to say too.

How are you going today?

V.

Monday, February 3, 2014

Where the bloody hell are ya?

Wow. It's been three months since my last ~~confession~~ blog post. I've been really looking forward to getting back into it but life has been busy. And stressful (when is it not for this little stress-head?). And, honestly, having a break from over analysing all my shit here has been nicely refreshing.

With Noo having started big school (that's right BIG SCHOOL!) last week, I'm so looking forward to having some time to myself so I can get back to doing more of the stuff I love, like blogging. And spending time with grown ups. And being by myself to do what I want to do. Oh, how I crave the ever cliched "me-time".

Here's a little catch up of what's happened while I was away...

I turned 39 years old

Truly amazing. And after enduring 2013, which turned out to be an annus horribilis to go down as one of the worst in my life, entering my 40th year is turning out to be pretty good so far.

There's was a time in my life I thought I'd never make 40, and I was proud of it. I was a rock star. Here for a good time, not a long time and all that. Times have certainly changed.

The party years

I'm not nearly as freaked out as I thought I'd be about entering my 40th year. I guess because I don't really feel 39. My body aches at times, yes. I gained 20 kilos in 2013 through depressive emotional eating. But I've now lost eight kilos since I joined the HAES movement. I'm learning to love my body how it is right now, rather than waiting for some miracle to occur that would magically turn my body into a socially acceptable shape and therefore worthy of love. Surprisingly, by doing this, I'm treating myself a lot better. And losing weight despite not being on a diet.

On my 39th birthday heading out for lunch with the family

Noo turned 5 years old

Another milestone birthday was celebrated. We went big for Noo's fifth birthday party, celebrating with all his little preschool mates at Luna Park. We celebrated not only his birthday but his graduating from the little daycare he has been attending since he was only 15 months old. We were both sad to see our time at Noo's daycare come to an end, but our family continues its connection with the school as my niece will be there a little while yet.

Celebrating Noo's fifth birthday at Luna Park

Our first summer school holidays

Noo and I had five full weeks together. The longest time he wasn't in any formal care since he was 15 months old. I was terrified I'd made the wrong decision in not enrolling him for January care but thought it would be a great time for us to hang out and do some cool stuff together.

We sure did get around: Hanging out with my sister and Noo's cousin Mala, Christmas, a couple of trips to the Blue Mountains, New Year's Eve with friends, Noo jumped on a blow up Stonehenge at Sydney Festival, Darling Quarter, Vikings at the Maritime Museum, Tyrannosaurs at the Australian Museum, nearly every public pool in the inner Sydney region, contributed to building a Lego art piece at the Opera House, and many other fun activities. We had so many big days out that by the last week of the holidays my self-proclaimed "go-boy" Noo said he was tired and wanted a few days home to rest before starting big school.

Summer fun filled holidays!

Noo started kindergarten

Noo's start to his big school life couldn't have gone smoother. He was excited rather than nervous the night before and jumped out of bed like Santa had been the night before when I told him it was time to get ready for the big day ahead. I must admit that I was a bit anxious in the lead up to the first day. More because we'd both gotten used to late nights and 8.30am sleep-ins than worried he'd be scared to go to school. He was so looking forward to it after spending most of January missing his old preschool mates.

Neither of us cried. Shock bloody horror. I've cried a few times over the summer break, about things I can't write about, but leaving Noo at big school for the first time was not one of those times. His Grandpa and I took him on the bus into town. When we got to school there were so many big kids around I was really worried he'd be overwhelmed by it all. But no, not my confident little wonder-kid. He settled in just fine. Especially with his best little mate Justine Stark always by his side.

First day of school

So there you have it! It's nearly midnight and I have to be up super early. We have been renovating our new apartment over the last three months too. I have serious reno fatigue. Sick of strangers in the place, the dust, the moving shit around, blah. But let's not end on a negative note.

Here's to getting back to some serious blogging in 2014.

Hoping you all have had a great summer break as well.