Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Zombies ate my blojo

Hey Blogger.com! Hey Reader!

I'm here. Sort of. If you follow me on Instagram you'll know I'm still alive and kicking. I've written heaps of posts. Heaps I tell you! But not down on paper or on the screen. In my head. Late at night. Then by morning light those posts have all been deleted. Cruelty, I know. For me and for you. Because they were brilliant bits of writing I tells ya!

From the brilliant theoatmeal.com

Noo (Mr five going on thirty!) and I have been pretty busy. School holidays were a blast. And we survived six whole weeks with my parents overseas. Sole parenting without extended family is hard but not impossible I've discovered. I cried a lot the first week. Worked myself into a bit of an anxiety induced fervour over how I was going to get through almost two months alone. There was a lot of catastrophising and gnashing of teeth and black and white thinking. Oh, the drama!

And then something happened. I can't talk about that event here. I was basically left with the option to fall apart or get my shit together for both me and Noo. I chose the latter and you know what? We not only survived - we thrived!

OK, I'll admit that doesn't mean all my problems disappeared and there weren't any issues while I fended for myself. No, no. Of course there were ups and downs - I'm a single mum with an anxiety disorder! I spent way too much money for starters. Noo and I went out every second or third day and we probably over indulged by going to the movies four times and to the Royal Easter Show and we did eat out a bit.

My sleep could be better, I'll be honest. I can fake it 'til I make it when I'm awake but at night the subconscious takes over and anxiety permeates my dreamscape. That is unless two little orange pills take the reigns and help ease me into a dreamless slumber that I only wish I could have every night.

I'm still avoiding social situations unless its with people I really know well and who know me well. We had visitors from Brisbane and London come and stay in the city with us and we took friends to my folk's place in the Blue Mountains. I don't know why I always seem to forget how lovely real human contact is. Not that my online connections aren't lovely, but you know what I mean.

Holed up safely in my beautiful home with all it's comforts really cannot replace being with other people one on one. There was one period during the holidays that I realised I'd gone ten days without talking to an adult who wasn't either a waiter or sales assistant. That kind of made me sad and also tremendously grateful for the visitors we did have.

I haven't been spending too much time at my desk over the last few months. I've been knitting. It's my new obsession! Knitting and catching up on some of the most entertaining, bingeable TV series. They say mastering a new skill is great for mindfulness, positive psychology, anxiety, etc. I think they are right! Focusing on learning a new skill and completing a project has really given me confidence and helped quieten my chatty remunating brain. I highly recommend it.

That's all I've got for now. Back to knitting and watching the season two finale of The Walking Dead.

If you didn't already know, "blojo" is short for blogging mojo.
And zombies ate mine. Rick Grimes, you can come save me anytime!


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bodyandfeetretreat said...

I am so pleased you started knitting because I know how much joy it brings to me and now it brings the same to you. I am still looking for that knitting book you are using.
Well done on your solo parenting while your folks were away. I know that I too would probably go for days without talking to anyone if I didn't go to work every day.
Take care of yourself and Noo !
Me xox

Kylie Purtell, A Study in Cont said...

Oh TWD, one of the best shows I've watched in a very long time! I love to read your words V, and I know what you mean about all the written posts in your head that are deleted by morning. I was only thinking the other day that I wish I could send my thoughts to my blog via wifi!

Vanessa Connor said...

I've got a couple of friends who've found that taking up crochet has helped them tremendously with their anxiety, so hopefully knitting has the same effect. I think those zombies took my blojo, too. Naughty zombies. I also have a Mr 5 going on 30. Smart little buggers, aren't they? Well done, for thriving while your parents were away. Remember to give yourself the hi five you deserve. I know how hard it is doing anything when you have anxiety. xo

mumabulous said...

Here's a tip - you must watch Vikings. OMG - they are smokin' HAWT (but not very nice)

Lady Jewels Diva said...

Wait until you get to season 4 of TWD!

babblingbandit.me said...

I've watched it. Oh, so good! Can't wait for Season 5 in October. I'm spending at least 10% of every day cooking up ideas on how I'd survive the zombie apolypse when it comes.

babblingbandit.me said...

It's on my to watch list. Just started Sons of Anarchy. Oh, Jacks! I'm in love....

babblingbandit.me said...

I've just signed up for a knitting circle in Glebe next month. Trying to force myself into social situations with strangers. Also the knitting is for charity so I can score some of that feel good stuff you get from helping others while I'm at it. Challenging my anxiety with baby steps this time around. Do you knit or crochet? I highly recommend.

babblingbandit.me said...

Sending my thoughts out via wifi could be dangerous! My big mouth/fat fingers already get me into way too much trouble. I'm thinking of getting "don't text or post on social media when angry" tattooed to my right hand.

babblingbandit.me said...

Thanks Me! Knitting is awesome! Such a great thing for mental health, I had no idea!

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